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Sport
John Romano

John Romano: The Christmas carols a deranged Tom Brady fan might be singing

TAMPA, Fla. — Here are some excerpts from a few Christmas carols Tampa Bay sports fans might sing during the holidays:

— (Sung to the tune of “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”)

They’re beginning to score a lot like Stamkos

Every shift they go

It’s Kucherov on the mend, Brayden Point once again

Even if the salary cap won’t grow

They’re beginning to score a lot like Stamkos

Goals for evermore

But the prettiest sight to see, is holding the Cup with glee

On the Hillsborough shore

———

— (Sung to the tune of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”)

You’re gonna have doubt

You may even cry

You better chill out

I’m telling you why

Arians is leaving this town

He’s fixing a drink

Bacardi with ice

Gonna retire while still looking nice

Arians is leaving this town

He’s sorry that you’re weeping

He knows your heart might break

He knows the Bucs are bad, not good

So count on coaching mistakes!

———

— (Sung to the tune of “The First Noel”)

The last cowbell, the Rays might say

Will ring at Tropicana

If a city don’t pay

If the team can’t stay, a child might weep

‘Cause of baseball fans who don’t give a bleep

Cowbell, cowbell, cowbell, cowbell,

Pour me a glass of zinfandel

———

— (Sung to the tune of “A Sleigh Ride Together With You”)

Just watch those highlights streaming

Gold Glove dreaming now, too

You know it’s been our pleasure

To see Kiermaier diving on cue

For years KK was balling

Always enthralling, woo hoo

Oh yeah, it’s been our pleasure

He’s a Tampa Bay treasure, it’s true

———

— (Sung to the tune of “Frosty the Snowman”)

AB the ball man, was a jolly happy troll

With his fake vax hype and a Twitter pose, and shirtless end zone stroll

AB the wild man, is a rapper now they say

He has fallen so low, but as Bucs fans know, the man could really play

———

— (Sung to the tune of “Here Comes Santa Claus”)

Here comes Fred McGriff, here comes Fred McGriff

Right down Cooperstown Lane

Toronto and Tampa Bay and all his Braves years

Supporting his campaign

Balls were flinging, Crime Dog swinging

Enshrinement was a fight

Raise your glasses and leave your chairs

Cause Fred made the Hall tonight!

———

— (Sung to the tune of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”)

He really can’t stay (Brady is old this ride)

Might even go away (Brady is old, but tried)

This season has been (Hoping they’d finally win)

So imprecise (We’ll have to hope the gameplan’s nice)

Joel Glazer will start to worry (The fan club may even scurry)

And Bryan will be pacing the floor (A coach may be shown the door)

So really they’d better hurry (Draft position is now blurry)

But maybe just a field goal more (I can’t even look; what’s the score?)

———

— (Sung to the tune of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”)

You know Modell and Mara and Halas and Rooney

Yawkey and Selig and Autry and Wrigley

But do you recall

The most generous owner of all

Vinik is spreading more cheer

As every Bolts fan knows

And if you need donations

From his heart will always flow

All of the other owners

Care more about hockey games

Not so for Mister Vinik

Thank our lucky stars he came

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