Jimmy Kimmel shared his satisfaction at yesterday’s guilty verdict on his late-night show with a rewritten monologue to reflect the news.
Donald Trump was found guilty on 34 felony charges in a New York City courtroom and on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, the host who the ex-president has repeatedly criticised, couldn’t hide his glee.
“After seven long weeks, the courtroom is empty and Donald Trump’s diaper is full,” he joked to an excited audience.
Kimmel recounted the unanimous decision from the jury and how the back-and-forth meant it “played out in a strange way” which led to a last-minute change of the monologue. “It was a mess,” he said.
The host quipped that for Trump, it meant “seven weeks of sleep-farting all down the drain, all for nothing”.
He continued: “You do have to hand it to him, no president has ever been convicted more than Donald Trump. How long before he starts bragging about this?”
After the verdict, Trump spoke to press about how the trial was “rigged” by a “conflicted” judge and promised his supporters that they would still be fighting to win the election in November.
“And if we don’t win, we’ll say we won anyway,” Kimmel then said. He continued: “The only thing you’re gonna be fighting to win is the Jell-o cup on your prison tray.”
He went on to praise the jury, suggesting that they should be given more control over the country. “We should automatically make those jurors the new supreme court,” he said.
Sentencing is set to take place on 11 July, the same day that El Chapo escaped from prison back in 2015. “This is not El Chapo, this is pork chop-o,” he joked.
There are a number of potential punishments, including house arrest which Kimmel said that “for Melania, that is a double whammy with cheese”.
The only Trump relative in court for the verdict was “stupid Eric” who then went on to tweet that 30 May would go down as the day that his father won the 2024 election.
Kimmel countered by saying that instead it would go down as the day that a jury “spanked your dad even harder than Stormy did”.
He then played footage of the many Trump cronies who were “losing their minds” at the verdict on rightwing news channels that day, referring to them as “blood-sucking jellyfish who feed off his essence”.
