Jimmy Kimmel
Jimmy Kimmel opened Monday’s show with the opening day of confirmation hearings for Ketanji Brown Jackson, Joe Biden’s nominee for the supreme court. “These hearings, they give a number of our Republican senators the chance to compete in one of their favorite events: the subtle racism jamboree,” said Kimmel.
Judge Jackson would be the first black woman confirmed to the court, and her path appears to be clear, as Vice-President Kamala Harris would cast the tie-breaking vote should the confirmation go along party lines, 50-50. “That would be the GOP’s ultimate nightmare: having this decided by two black women whose names they can’t pronounce,” Kimmel joked.
In other news, “all the characters from Trumpsylvania were out this weekend,” Kimmel said, including Rudy Giuliani, AKA “recount Dracula”, who appeared on a Newsmax show called Wise Guys.
“I don’t know what this show is, but I for one enjoy any show where the people being interviewed are also eating clams,” said Kimmel of the rightwing program, in which Newsmax hosts interviewed Giuliani at a diner table. “What a show – just Rudy having a perfectly normal meeting at an Olive Garden with three Dick Tracy villains, nothing to see.”
And according to a Yahoo poll, Trump leads Biden by 43 points among unvaccinated voters, “who might not even make it to the election”, said Kimmel. “Trump loves the poorly vaccinated, and they’re not the only group that is solidly pro-Trump. He’s also a solid favorite among firework stand operators, iguana breeders, disgraced mall Santas, manufacturers of husky golf pants, and former crackhead pillow salesman.”
Jimmy Fallon
On the Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon celebrated the first weekend of March Madness and this year’s Cinderella team, the 15-seed St Peter’s Peacocks, who upset No 2-seed Kentucky.
“It’s exciting for longtime fans who have been following the team since Thursday,” Fallon joked.
St Peter’s is the first team from New Jersey to make the sweet sixteen in more than 20 years. “And if they go all the way they’ll be the only team to wear their championship rings on their pinkies,” said Fallon, imitating a mob figure.
Fallon also touched on the Senate confirmation hearing for Ketanji Brown Jackson, which will last four days. “It’s basically CSPAN’s version of Coachella,” he quipped.
“Jackson will face days of tough questions. Brett Kavanaugh was like ‘it’ll be fine, I did it for four days,” Fallon mocked, slurring his words. “After the second day, it’s kinda a blur. It’s fine, you’re kinda my best friend.”
And finally, the dating company Match has launched a new dating app for parents called Stir. “Their slogan is ‘I’ll join your hell if you join mine,’” Fallon joked.
