Globe-trotting Jane McDonald only recently returned from yet another safari for Channel 5, so you might have assumed she’d be a dab hand at spotting elephants by now.
In which case you were probably as surprised as I was by her apparent inability to clock the massive one squatting in the room throughout The British Soap Awards.
I’m kidding, of course. ITV was never going to mention Phillip Schofield on the night.
And I quickly understood why it had been decided he shouldn’t host these awards. I mean, ITV could hardly countenance the idea of him up there on stage beaming: “Next up, the award for Best Young Performer”.
But enough about the exiled king. This night was more about the new queen. On the throne unexpectedly she may have been, but Jane looked like she belonged there.
She breezed through the scripted one-liners and had the audience practically devouring the palm of her hand. If a long-term contract hasn’t already made its way up to Wakefield, then whoever’s in charge at ITV deserves to be right back facing a Select Committee first thing on Monday.
Assuming Jane comes back next year, you have to hope ITV will push the boat out a bit further as far as the show is concerned.
I’m not saying it was low budget, but when your award-givers include the likes of last year’s Bake Off winner, some bloke off The Traitors and a three former stars of Brookside (axed in 2003) you can’t really expect viewers to believe they are witnessing one of the most star-studded evenings of the year.
Honestly, when Jane welcomed the Scene Of The Year award presenter with the words: “It could only be The Vivienne”, she sounded more like a hard-pressed and apologetic celebrity booker admitting defeat.
As for the winners on the night? Well, given I thought Marlon Dingle had already won Outstanding Achievement years ago, mine is perhaps not the best opinion to seek. However, after EastEnders somehow failed to win
Best Single Episode for its Goodbye Dot masterpiece I have some things to say to the judging panel.
Right, deep breath. Firstly, are you ok?
