Jamie Laing has revealed the real reason why he quit reality TV show Made In Chelsea following a candid conversation about his mental health.
The former Made In Chelsea star opened up about his struggles with anxiety and hunger for fame in an intimate conversation with ex MIC alumni and best friend, Spencer Matthews.
Jamie, 34, made his debut in the E4 series, which follows the lives affluent Londoners, in 2011 before exiting almost a decade later and now he has shared why he decided to quit the show.
Speaking to Spencer on his Big Fish Podcast, Jamie said: "I had such bad anxiety doing that show for so many years. I love Made In Chelsea, like you do, and we thought it would be so fun to know what it was like to be famous, we were obsessed with that.
"I thought, if everyone loves me because I'm some sort of famous, some sort of profile, all of my wanting and need to be loved will be over. But actually what happens is you become famous and it makes it worse because your true friends think you're a nob.
"The people you don't even know kind of like you and you don't even know them."
Jamie - the great-grandson of Sir Alexander Grant, who created the McVitie's biscuit empire - said he was obsessed with the industry and public perception became very important to him.
"I would go into a scene for the very first time, and I would be really funny, or be really loud, or be something, and then I would watch it back and I’d go on Twitter, social media, and someone would go, “Oh my God, that guy Jamie is really funny,” so in my head, I go, “Well, I’ve got to be funny.”
The reality star who is engaged to Sophie Habboo also credited the show for bringing his career to where it is now but admitted it "nailed his soul for a long time."
Reflecting on the show's early beginnings, Made In Chelsea, always remained like a business to Jamie. He explained: "From the very beginning I saw it as a business.
"The more drama I created, the more girlfriends I dated, or the more times we (Spencer) argued, or whatever it was, the more clout I gained within the show. It's a food chain, the more drama you are causing, the more storyline you are getting, more airtime and so on."
Jamie who owns the successful confectionery company, Candy Kittens, also touched upon his abandonment issues he experienced as an eight-year-old which fed into his desire to be loved.
He told Spencer how his parents divorcing, and his send off to boarding school as well as his nanny leaving at eight-years-old gave him "huge abandonment" issues.
He explained processing that was confusing: "I used to lie in bed in my boarding school and not really know why I was there and I would get a lump in my throat all the time, and couldn't really swallow at night time.
"If a doctor had come and said to me 'oh by the way that's anxiety', I would have gone 'oh okay fine...I didn't know what it was. I thought people had abandoned me, so therefore my entire life I was so afraid that people were always going to leave, and I still have it now."
Jamie went on to say that these issues carried on into the show which made it difficult to find out who he was as a person, and told Spencer he became "this heightened persona of myself that's unsuitable" so it was n wonder you start to feel anxious, have OCD and get insomnia and freak about your career."
The pair also spoke about the strain Jamie's work had on his relationship with fiancée Sophie Habboo, who is also a business partner. Jamie said: "We had a bad moment, between Soph and I, I started treating her like an employee and she's not, she's a business partner with me and without Sophie there would no NewlyWeds (podcast) or Wednesday We Drink Wine (podcast), there would be no where I am now.
Jamie said he viewed everything as content in their lives which put a huge strain on their relationship but after a "big conversation" he says he has now changed his ways.
The best friends ended the discussion with a conversation about their father's and what success means to them, with Jamie opening up about the time he received a very special message from his dad.
He explained his relationship with his father was "very strange" for a long time due to him blaming his dad for his parent's divorce but it wasn't until he got older that he realised that wasn't the case.
He said: "It wasn't until I got older that I realised that my mum's a nightmare, I lover her to bits but yeah she is a bit of a nightmare, my dad is a nightmare.
"Something happened to my dad, he was fine but I was worried about his health, and I sent him a message saying, 'dad I just want you to know that I think you are the greatest dad, and I'm sorry for all the s*** I gave you in the past.
"He replied saying 'I couldn't be prouder to have a son like you."
Jamie runs Candy Kittens, and also appeared as a contestant on Strictly Come Dancing in 2020.
