Pop star Jade Thirlwall has opened up about the grief she experienced when her former bandmate, Jesy Nelson, quit their group Little Mix.
Formed on ITV reality show The X Factor in 2011, Little Mix went on to become one of the most successful British pop groups of all time, releasing hit singles and chart-topping albums including “Shout Out to My Ex”, “Black Magic” and “Break Up Song”.
Nelson departed in 2020, citing the toll being in Little Mix had taken on her mental health. Thirlwall remained in the group with bandmates Perrie Edwards and Leigh-Anne Pinnock before they announced a hiatus in 2022. All four members have since been pursuing solo careers.
Appearing on The Louis Theroux Podcast on Spotify, Thirlwall, who released her latest single “IT Girl” this month, said she bore no ill feeling towards Nelson for her decision, but admitted that she struggled to process her abrupt departure.
“I think that's why I struggled with it, because we didn't all get a chance to just sit together like we've done for so many years… just hash it out,” she said. “There's no hate there from me or from any of us I think.”
She recalled a time not long after Nelson quit, when she had begun dating fellow musician and author Jordan Stephens: “It was very early days at the time. And so I was scared to show him what this meant for me,” she said. “Because I think in his head, he was like, ‘Oh, you know, someone left that happens all the time.’”
Thirlwall said she and Stephens were driving north to visit her family and she was being “really short” with him because of her feelings surrounding Nelson leaving.
“He kept probing like, ‘What's wrong, what's wrong,’” she said. “Honestly, out of nowhere, I literally, like, bellowed, like, a f***ing whale or something. You know, like, when you have so much grief that you feel like you've been, winded, and you start, like, wailing?
“And I'd, I'd never cried like that since my grandad died when I was 13. And I think it was all the years of the love and the everything we'd been through together, the good things, the bad things, you know. So much of it was brushed under the rug and then it just f***ing exploded.”
Thirlwall said she knew Stephens was “a keeper” when he checked if she’d be alright in the car on her own, then returned with a pasty from Greggs for her.
“I will never begrudge Jesy wanting to leave, because if she needed to do that for herself, no matter what happened behind the scenes or, you know, anything that unfolded,” she said. “I'll never discredit or invalidate the struggles that she had in the group, particularly at the beginning.
“She really did suffer the most in terms of, like, trolling, the press being really mean, all of that stuff. And it really did some lasting damage. And we always tried our best to support her in that. Sometimes you get it wrong, sometimes you get it right. Like, again, like I said before, we're not qualified to, especially at 18 years old, to help someone with that.”
Nelson – who announced this month that she is expecting twins with her partner, musician Zion Foster – released a BBC documentary in 2019, in which she revealed she had attempted suicide as a result of the online bullying she received over her appearance.
“I had a routine of waking up, going on Twitter, searching for the worst things I could about myself,” she said in the programme.
“I’d type in the search bar, ‘Jesy fat’, or ‘Jesy ugly’, and see what would come up. Sometimes I didn’t even need to do that, I’d just write ‘Jesy’ and then I’d see all the horrible things.
“Everyone told me to ignore it – but it was like an addiction.”
Thirlwall said she, Edwards and Pinnock had tried to be there for Nelson as best they could: “I think she gradually clocked out and that's fair enough. I feel like I can't and I don't want to talk about it in depth because it isn't just my story to tell,” she continued. “I'd be speaking for people and I don't think that's right. But for myself, I will say that I'm still getting over it now, quite truthfully.”
She and her fellow bandmates had “a lot of group therapy”, while she also had therapy as an individual, to cope with the “traumatic” effects of Nelson leaving the band, she added.
Asked by Theroux if she was back in touch with Nelson, she responded: “No.”
The Louis Theroux Podcast is available on Spotify now.
If you are experiencing feelings of distress, or are struggling to cope, you can speak to the Samaritans, in confidence, on 116 123 (UK and ROI), email jo@samaritans.org, or visit the Samaritans website to find details of your nearest branch.
If you are based in the USA, and you or someone you know needs mental health assistance right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Helpline on 1-800-273-TALK (8255). This is a free, confidential crisis hotline that is available to everyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
If you are in another country, you can go to www.befrienders.org to find a helpline near you.
