Parents, beware! If you send your impressionable young child to school in the US they are at risk of contracting a nasty case of the woke-mind virus. There’s a good chance a teacher will turn your kid trans and, in the middle of maths, whip out surgical equipment to perform gender-affirming surgery. We know this because – despite any evidence to back it up – our esteemed leader, Donald Trump, has said as much.
“Can you imagine you’re a parent and your son leaves the house and you say, ‘Jimmy, I love you so much. Go have a good day in school,’ and your son comes back with a brutal operation,” Trump said at a rally last year.
No, actually, I can’t imagine that. But due to a recent personal incident I do now understand why the Maga crowd are constantly banging on about kids being indoctrinated at school and why there’s been a surge in home schooling. My three-year-old daughter, you see, has been brainwashed by her preschool: a few weeks ago she came home singing “Fly, Eagles fly” at the top of her little lungs, and she hasn’t stopped since. US readers will know exactly what I’m talking about, but for those who need a primer: I live in sports-obsessed Philadelphia, and the Eagles are Philly’s football team. (It’s possible you already know this because the NFL is being heavily marketed in the UK and is gaining popularity. Taylor Swift dating the football star Travis Kelce has also helped the sport get new viewers.)
They start them on sports young in Philly. My kid’s preschool has been taking the kids on little parades around the block to support the team. Now we can’t see the Eagles logo without my daughter cheering. Sometimes, I even hear her in bed chanting: “E-A-G-L-E-S, Eagles!” (Which at least makes her better at spelling than the mayor of Philly, who recently made headlines by chanting E-L-G-S-E-S.)
I don’t care about American football, or sport in general, so it doesn’t bother me who my kid roots for. I think it’s nice she’s bought into the city’s spirit. But I do worry for my wife, who comes from another sports-obsessed town (Boston) and was hoping to raise a Pats fan. It must be hard when your only child supports the wrong team. But then again, you can’t be a sports fan without getting used to crushing disappointment.
Arwa Mahdawi is a Guardian columnist
