Dear Coleen
I’m a 54-year-old man and have recently split up with my girlfriend. We met in late 2013 and had loads of great times over the years. But we never lived together as she has kids and that’s where it didn’t work.
As a result, my girlfriend ended up living next door to me so we could see each other as much as possible.
Recently, she attended a school reunion and I dropped her off with her friend.
Early the next morning she came over to mine, but things didn’t seem right.
Later that day she left and said she’d see me soon, but never turned up. She texted to say she was out with friends.
The next day the same thing happened, but this time she stayed out overnight.
Eventually, I finally got a message from her asking me to “stop chasing” her.
I was shocked and texted back to say I’d just been worried about her. She replied saying it was over between us and she’d had enough. I then found out she had changed her Facebook status to being in a relationship with someone from the school reunion.
I’m heartbroken and, as we still live next to each other, it’s harder to get over her. I’ve told her how much I love her, but I get nothing. I’d do anything to get her back. Please advise.
Coleen says
It’s horrible what you’re going through and I can feel the heartbreak in your letter. Firstly, everything you’re feeling is normal – blindsided, devastated, hurt and betrayed.
This is going to hurt for a while and it’s going to take time to get over. You were together for 10 years, so it won’t be an instant fix.
She knows she’s hurt you badly, so she’s avoiding you.
Perhaps in her mind the relationship has been over for a while, but instead of having a conversation, she’s waited for some other guy to come along and jumped ship.
She’s taken the coward’s way out and left you with loads of questions and no answers. You could suggest meeting to talk things over and get some closure but, honestly, I don’t know if it’ll make you feel any better. She’s already moved on and it might make you feel worse.
I think all you can do now is try to focus on your life and your future. It’s not easy but it’s important not to hide yourself away and disconnect from friends and family – let them support you.
She hasn’t ended things in a kind or respectful way, but the best revenge is finding happiness again. So, make yourself your priority. You can and will get over her, and hopefully you’ll be able to look back and realise you deserve better.
Would it be possible to move house and make a fresh start? If she’s the type of person who can end a 10-year relationship so callously, she’s not the type of person you can rely on or trust.
