An Edinburgh dad has turned his life around after overcoming a serious gambling addiction.
At one point Piesy Khosrowpour, from Corstorphine, was left in such despair he even considered ending his own life.
But almost seven years ago to the day, the now 36-year-old, was able to ask for help and attended his first fellowship meeting. From there a journey began to a gambling and addiction free life.
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On his journey with addiction Piesy said: “For me the hardest thing was to ask for help. As young men, we are often too proud to ask.
“I knew I had a gambling problem that started really young. I crossed the line from habit to addiction early on and looking back it was obvious I have an abnormal reaction to betting.
“A lot of it came from ego and I remember leaving my house with money in my pocket but then wanting to go to the bookies to try to win enough for my night out. I’d then end up at the pub determined to try to win the £25 jackpot on the puggy.
“I was losing my wages on the same day they and having to tap off friends and family which later even led to stealing. On one day I lost as much as £5,000 and that can lead to you being dishonest to your loved ones due to the desperate situation you find yourself in.
“It was horrible to know you have done these things to those you love but if I had not gone through those scenarios then I’d not be in the position I am today.”
The change in Piesy’s behaviour came when his eldest daughter Essie was born on a Thursday night almost seven years ago. He promised his fiancée, and high school sweetheart Lisa, that he would never gamble again.
But in a familiar tale that addicts will recognise, he was back at it by the following Saturday. He said he felt as though he was powerless and that he did not know how to cope.
Piesy continued: “Will power was very difficult as the way my brain was wired is different from a normal person as I always had to chase the next high. How I describe it is that if someone burned their hand on a stove then they would not go back and place their palm on it but I was the opposite.
“I realised I crossed the line between habit and addiction and once I had one bet or drink then I could not stop. From the age of 21 to 27 was where I did my most damage financially and personally.
“It was not just the money but putting my partner through torture. We do not realise how much we have hurt our loved ones with our addiction.
“Lisa and I have been childhood sweethearts and have two daughters together. The catalyst for change was seven years ago when she gave me that last chance. To this day she has been my rock as she stuck by me when I had not one single penny to my name, just wanting to help and that is where it all began to change.”
But it was not just gambling that Piesy had to overcome. He also had to deal with an alcohol addiction that he says was less visible and more hidden but could be as equally as damaging.
He said that alcohol consumption snuck up on him as he would not drink every night but he noticed that when he did, a couple of beers then went into some wine with dinner and beyond. This created a pathway to further gambling or chasing the next high if out on a night out with the boys in the form of drugs.
On this, he continued: “Alcohol is the key to everything in our society but I’ve seen it destroy so many families. I felt invincible when I’d have a drink and it was weird what would go through my head.
“I appreciate folk can have a drink now and then but looking back it was like putting the devil into my body. I turned into a horrible person when I had a drink.
“In hindsight I can see that I actually did not enjoy it and today I’m glad my kids did not see me strutting home drunk and out my face. At that time if you could bet on it, I would. I would bet on two flies going up a wall. I was compulsive and all that mattered was the next hit.
“I know what it feels like for youngsters today - gambling is so accessible. What is interesting is if you were to get addicts walking down the street, and all of us are active in our addictions, you can never tell with a gambler as they hide it. With drink and drugs it is so visible.”
At the time of Piesy’s battles which culminated in him feeling as though he wanted to take his own life in 2016, he was saved by the loving support of his fiancée and the arrival of his eldest daughter. It was at this time when he took the bravest of steps and reached out to a support group where he began to be put onto the road to recovery.
Through his fellowship he entered a twelve step programme that saw him apologise to those he hurt and take ownership for his life by making positive changes. But he really turned a corner when he left a job he loathed in construction for a job in health and nutrition after a chance encounter with a man on the street.
Piesy added: “What was difficult is I had to leave some good friends behind because they were doing what they were doing with drinking and gambling living their lives and I could not be in that environment. The thoughts going through my head were money issues and it was the feeling of damaging that trust between Lisa and I that killed me.
“It felt inescapable. I remember going over the Forth Road Bridge on my way to work a job I hated. I had this feeling that I could just take the car and go over the edge and escape it all.
“It is hard to describe what made me not do it that day but it was later on that evening that I went to my first fellowship meeting.
“I got hope there that I could not just stay off a bet but could also get into recovery. It is one thing being abstinent but it is completely different being in recovery. Before that period my physical and mental health deteriorated and that is when you are at your most dangerous as you are isolated.
“I learned that I was someone who needed to be on an even keel and had to escape the highs and lows I was living through. Thanks to my fellowship I felt there was something inside of me that needed to change and that came from changing as a person.
“I got a sponsor and followed a twelve step recovery program that was the same one Russel Brand has gone through. I started to address how my life was powerless and from there I began to have faith restored in my existence.
“I’m not religious but I am spiritual now. You work through an inventory and undergo a lot of self reflection, looking at your character defects that led to you finding yourself in your current situation.
“Step 10 and 11 was all about meditation and taking stock of my day each night which also helped to restore a sense of perspective. Once you complete the programme you are then expected to help others and I’ve now helped ten people to save their lives.”
Working in nutrition has been something that has been immensely rewarding for Piesy but he has worked hard to build up a new life for his family that now includes daughter Aura, 2. Doing something he loves has been monumental in the change that he sees and he is thrilled that his family are also engrossed in healthy living.
He now spends his professional and spare time helping to turn other people’s lives around. Whether it is through health and nutrition or running his own local fellowship that tackles addiction in the Corstorphine area.
On his advice for anyone struggling, he said: “You have to ask for help as that is the first step. You have to accept that you are obviously powerless and that your life is unmanageable due to addiction.
“There are so many support groups out there that can help you to take that first step. When I was down and out the first person I looked up and saw from my dark hole was Lisa.
“I’ve also been lucky to have friends and family that have stuck by me so it is integral that you keep hold of those strong relationships in life. Hopefully anyone reading this who identifies and relates will know that there is hope out there to change.
“Start by taking the leap and asking for help.”
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