Turn on your computer or tablet and you’re usually greeted with a picture of magnificent scenery. Well, I’m sailing inside one of those screen images.
Cue the Schlögener Donauschlinge – a remarkable S-shaped bend in the River Danube near Linz, Austria.
I’d woken up at dawn on the cruise ship TUI Skyla and peered out from my French balcony window, checking Google Maps to see where we were. Only approaching the Schlögener Donauschlinge (Loop of Schlögen)! The kind of natural wonder that’s used for screensavers and the delight of Instagrammers. I had expected to miss it in the small hours.
You’re never far from the open top deck on a river ship and I was up in a flash (I knew I should have taken a moment to get dressed) to catch the Captain steering us along mirror-calm water between mist-wreathed hills and, literally, driving me round the bend in 180-degree arcs.
Another great start to another great day on board adults-only Skyla...
The ship
TUI’s model is to take a quality second-hand vessel and refurbish from bow to stern. The 154-passenger Skyla looks box fresh with a contemporary design that catches the eye as soon as you board via the airy atrium. Public spaces – two restaurants and two bars – ooze an upscale vibe and I liked the wellness area with Jacuzzi and sauna.
My French Balcony Suite was lovely, with a chaise longue, plenty of plugs and USBs, tea and coffee-making facilities and a wetroom-style bathroom.
Happy hours were spent with a cuppa, watching the scenery slip by, with the floor-to-ceiling windows open.
The trip
The seven-night voyage to four countries from Budapest, straddling the Danube magnificently, was well organised with a late lunch on board, set up for arrival.
I was ready to explore the Hungarian capital by mid-afternoon (sailaway was not till 9.30pm) and headed to the adjacent Central Market Hall and its array of stalls selling paprika in all forms, meat, meat and more meat, souvenirs and snacks, then strolled across the Liberty Bridge to check out the fabled Gellert thermal baths and the adjacent grotto chapel.
That night-time departure was wonderful, slipping past illuminated riverside buildings, including Buda Castle and the Hungarian Parliament, with a full moon rising behind.
New day, new country! In Slovakia and off for a tour of capital Bratislava with insightful guide Luba, first on a rattly Dotto train to the hilltop castle with views of the wacky ‘UFO Bridge’.
Then into the Old Town to see lovely buildings and cafes and curious modern statues, including a Napoleonic-era soldier leaning on a bench and a Peeping Tom leering from a manhole.
New day, new country! Nation-hopping is one of the delights of a river cruise, plus the fact that ships generally moor in the heart of a town, so you step off straight into the action.
So, now in Krems an der Donau, Austria, I joined a coach tour with guide Christine to imposing hilltop Göttweig Abbey, a Benedictine monastery founded in 1083.
Abbey guide Astra took over and showed us the Imperial Wing, a five-star hotel for 18th century bigwigs. The huge entrance stairs and ceiling fresco are quite something, with an optical illusion in the ceiling as painted pillars appear to move with you.
Wine tasting was up next. I normally avoid drinking monks’ wine at 11am, as I don’t want to get into bad habits, but made an exception for what turned out to be two fine whites and a superb red.
New day, new country! Now we are in Passau, in Germany’s Bavaria, where three rivers – Danube (brown water), Inn (grey-green) and Ill (black) – meet, with the novelty of the colours separately flowing alongside each other for several hundred yards.
At the park by the confluence point it was not really discernible; I think you need a sunny day, or try from the 13th century Veste Oberhaus Fortress overlooking the city. Nonetheless, Passau is likeable and a tour with guide Ugur included impressive St Stephen’s Cathedral – half Gothic, half baroque after a fire rebuild – and its colossal organ, with 17,774 pipes.
Just as we were leaving, an organist cranked it up for a couple of minutes of tuning and a wall of sound engulfed me like a medieval Motörhead.
Being in Bavaria, I now had two missions – ein stein of cold German lager in a beer cellar and seeing blokes wearing lederhosen. Ja. Simple pleasures…
New day, old country! Back in Austria, we moored by the striking Lentos modern art gallery in Linz, the nation’s third largest city.
Surrounded by wooded hills and renowned for its steel-making, it reminded me a bit of Sheffield and prides itself on being a clean and green industrial and cultural city.
I took the 124-year-old No 50 tram – fact fans: it’s one of the steepest in the world with an 11.6% incline – up to 1,768ft Pöstlingberg Hill to take in the view and enjoy a coffee and local Linzer torte cake at the smart cafe (€7.20 return).
The tram down dropped me by the Ars Electronica Center, a ‘Museum of the Future’ with a dazzling 3D exploration of the solar system and galaxies and immersive robotic, AI, climate change, earthquake and technology exhibits.
Robots may be smart, but they can’t appreciate Austrian cake and coffee and a view (€11.50 ars.electronica.art).
New day, old country! Still in Austria and capital Vienna for a whirlwind tour with droll guide Fritz, which took in the Ferris wheel from the 1949 Oscar winning film noir The Third Man, the house where Strauss played dominoes with pal Brahms, the grand Belvedere palaces, the National Library and the Spanish Riding School and its stables for the Lipizzaner horses.
On past the Sacher Hotel with its cafe selling scrumptious Sachertorte cake, we arrived at St Stephan’s Cathedral, which dates from the 12th century and is the beating heart of this elegant city. If you like an Art Nouveau public toilet (and who doesn’t?) they are round the corner.
New day, old country! Back in Hungary, there was time to explore Buda Castle and the Fisherman’s Bastion viewpoint before reluctantly packing my bag for the flight home.
The food
In a word: excellent. I’ve been on river trips where it was a bit ‘school dinners’ but this was a cut above.
Verdastro restaurant is smart, with the adjacent Bistro a bit more casual and both offer great views.
If you want to sit in one and order from the other menu, it’s fine; the choices did not disappoint and came in sensible portions. The gala night of six courses was superb.
The kitchen tries to offer dishes from whatever country the ship is in and the included wines also feature local options.
Who knew Austrian wine was so good? Apart from those of us who went on the monastery trip.
The entertainment
No ocean cruise West End-style stage shows, but enough to keep you amused with quizzes, piano, karaoke and, on the last night, a brilliant comedy pianist who got to the Britain’s Got Talent semis was flown in.
The pleasant surprise
River locks are ugly concrete monoliths but genuinely interesting as ships squeeze in and are raised or lowered up to 60ft.
When we buddied up alongside Emerald Sun at the eye-of-a-needle Melk Locks in Austria it was a fun moment chatting to the passengers across the six-inch gap between the ships.
The crew
In a word (again): excellent. A particular shout out to cabin steward Win Thu, Raya on the front desk, bar staff Svitlana and Irina and cruise director Ian.
Get on board
TUI River Cruises offers a seven night Magical Danube full-board+ round trip from Budapest on TUI Skyla starting at £1,396 per person, calling at Bratislava, Krems, Passau, Linz and Vienna. Includes flights from Manchester on May 3, transfers, tips and service charges; Heathrow and Gatwick also available. Find out more and book at tui.co.uk/river-cruises.
You can also get more information about the destinations at visithungary.com, slovakia.travel, austria.info and germany.travel.
