After being on Moneybags, never again will I judge television gameshow contestants for failing to answer seemingly "obvious" and "easy" questions.
In the days since my episodes of Channel 4's hit new game show aired, armchair critics have taken to Twitter to brand me "thick" and declare that I guessed my way to winning a few thousand pounds. Since filming several months ago, one question - the one I'm getting a lot of flack for - has haunted me, but we'll come to that.
I applied for Channel 4's Moneybags a few months ago. Skint and anxious about the cost of living crisis, I thought, how else would I stand a chance of getting some extra cash that would be a big help in the coming months?
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My general knowledge is pretty good - I excel in literature, films, US geography and pop culture - though I'm not the best when it comes to sport or history. Moneybags is a unique premise, with plenty of random categories to trip up even the most stellar of quizzing enthusiasts. I sent off an application.
Presented by actor and DJ Craig Charles, Moneybags sees £1million divided up into 100 golden bags over the course of a week. Each day, 10 players battle it out for a chance to get to the final. Players answer questions by grabbing a bag they think contains a correct answer. If it's right, money will land in their pot. If it's wrong, they could see themselves going bankrupt or giving their cash away to an opponent.
There's three head to heads, with the three successful players from each round making it through to the 'triple header', which sees the player with the highest value pot going through to play for the lot in the nail-biting final. Categories range from the brilliant to the bizarre, with Little Miss and Mr Men characters, things from Manchester, parts of the human eyeball, and more all coming up during my play.
After an audition, which included playing a mock version of the game via Skype, and a few telephone interviews, I got the call to say I'd be on the show. It felt like a bit of a blur and I wasn't entirely convinced it would really happen but soon, train tickets landed in my email inbox and off I popped to Manchester Piccadilly station.
The Youngest Media team were brilliant - they arranged absolutely everything. Train tickets, taxis to Media City in Salford, and hotel accommodation over the course of filming. The first night we arrived, I met my fellow contestants in the green room of the building where we'd be filming. There were polite introductions and lots of forms to fill out.
I've always felt the camaraderie shown among gameshow players was rather forced and contrived, but the 10 of us genuinely got on well. We were all rooting for one another and whenever one of us got something wrong, or did the all-too-easy "panic grab", we really felt for them. We all talk regularly, with a group WhatsApp chat constantly filled with memes and jokes about our slip ups and our funnier answers. They're some of the loveliest people I've ever met and I'm sure we'll be friends for life.
Filming days are long, with the entire crew showing relentless enthusiasm and kindness, as well as a real desire to put us all at ease when the nerves of playing for life-changing amounts of cash got a little much.
Presenter Craig Charles exudes warmth and relatability, chatting away to us between takes and telling tales of his home life; his normality and charm somehow making the surreal element of being on a gameshow even more surreal. Did Craig Charles really just chat to me about what he'll be doing after the show as though we're old friends?
We were at the studio for two days, filming the first three episodes on day one. By episode three, after many, many hours of filming, we were exhausted but the coveted and elusive £100K bag made its appearance.
We all knew what this meant. The stakes ramped up and none of us wanted to see that bag disappear from play; we all wanted it to go through to the final.
A question about musical instruments you blow (I said there were bizarre categories) saw me nab the £100K bag from fellow player, Becky. Once I had it, I completely froze up and didn't dare risk losing it.
Genuine Nigella Lawson recipes was the final category. I'm not the keenest cook but my mum is a big fan of Nigella and I'd seen a few episodes of her cooking show when I lived at home. Penne Alla Vodka came up and I had a very vague memory of being disgusted by the thought of vodka going anywhere near the carby perfection that is pasta.
Still, I wasn't 100% sure so I let it go. It was £15K down the chute but it didn't matter, I was through to the final and playing for £115,000. What on earth?!
Moneybags: The Final
(Spoiler alert, obviously)
There's a lighting change for the final, with darker blue lights adding to the drama. The cameras don't show the team giving you a little bit of a briefing before your final question; you even get a practice run with a mock question just so you know exactly how the round will go. The crew were incredibly helpful but it didn't stop my mind racing and my heart thumping so loudly, I could actually hear it.
The first question was 'Profession with more than 40,000 registered individuals' and as soon as I saw it, I felt an odd and unfamiliar sense of calm. In this round, you absolutely have to pick up a bag so it eased my nerves a little. Yes, the stakes were high, but I also just had to get on with it.
The options were 'vets' or 'dentists'. I picked up the 'dentists' bag and told Craig: "Everyone has teeth, not everyone has a pet." My logic served me well, it was the right answer! I'd banked £5,750. The next one was worth £23K.
When the second question came up - Islands in the Balearics - my mind went momentarily blank. Then, even though Craig Charles had clearly said Balearic Islands, I heard Balkans. I was panicking, not fully remembering which countries belong in the Balkan Peninsula, and I expected to see Albania or Croatia pop up - or, at the very least, Croatian islands like Hvar or Rab and then a red herring to throw me off.
When the options were Majorca and Tenerife, I realised I'd made a terrible mistake. The sparkling gold bags come out impossibly fast, so if you've not quite got a handle on the question, you really don't have time to piece things together.
My hand twitched as Majorca passed me by, then Tenerife went by too. Craig grabbed both bags and asked me which I'd have gone for. So many thoughts were whizzing through my mind and, much to the delight of keyboard warriors up and down the country, I said Tenerife.
My (very irrational) thinking was, I had been to Gran Canaria as a child and I know Tenerife is near there, so it felt familiar to me. I've never been to Majorca but I know it belongs to Spain.
If I'd had a few more seconds, I would have remembered excitedly telling my school friends as a young teenager that we were visiting "one of the Canary Islands" that summer and feeling a bit posh, and everyone continually assuming we were going to Tenerife. If Tenerife is one of the Canary Islands, then of course it can't be in the Balearics.
As soon as I realised, and Craig ripped off the magnetic slip to reveal Majorca was, obviously, the correct answer, the fact I'd won some money didn't really sink in. I was embarrassed and worried about the wrath of Twitter that was sure to come my way.
I kept telling my lovely teammates I was annoyed at myself. They all said it didn't matter and that I'd have made the wrong decision in the moment, so it's good I let both bags go. They kept saying I was the first winner that week and at least I wasn't going home empty handed.
I was allowed to tell my boyfriend I'd won some money - I told him my second question was easy and I should've got it right. He echoed my teammates' sentiments and said it didn't matter, we were nearly £6K richer.
Our episodes were filmed in early July, and that second question has haunted me since. When friends found out I was going to appear and asked me how I did, the only thing I'd say was: "I made a really stupid mistake, it didn't go the way I wanted it to."
I wished I'd had my teammates' questions - one about dinosaurs, one about JFK airport, another about Britney Spears - but really, it's only because I knew the judgement and mockery that would come my way from an "easy" geography question. No gameshow player will ever face any judgement or scrutiny from me ever again, let me tell you.
Prize funds are usually paid out 30 days after the date of episode transmission, so now my episodes have aired, I'm awaiting the cash pay-out. I think, and hope, when it finally lands in my bank account, I'll stop obsessing over all the things I should have said and will enjoy a much needed boost to my pitiful bank balance.
Even though seeing myself on screen added a whole new host of insecurities and personal anxieties to an already lengthy list, I had an incredible time. The entire crew and presenter Craig Charles were a complete joy to be around. I'd highly recommend applying for a gameshow and giving it a go - you might embarrass yourself, but you might also come away with some amazing new friends and a bit of cash to boot.
Moneybags airs on Channel 4 at 5pm on weekdays. You can catch up on All4.
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