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Manchester Evening News
Manchester Evening News
National
Ramazani Mwamba

"I was feeling lost and all over the place": What it's like to be lonely in your 20s

Despite having a decent job and living Paris at just 24, Fenella says she was the loneliest she had ever been in her life.

From the outside looking in, it seemed as though she had everything an ambitious young professional could want, but in hindsight, Fenella says she realises she was dealing with chronic loneliness.

"It's funny because looking back at it now I realise I suffering from chronic loneliness," she told the MEN.

It was 2018 and Fenella had moved to France to start a new job. Having just broken up with her boyfriend, Fenella wasn't in the best place mentally and says that while she enjoyed her job, she found it difficult to come to grips with a new culture and build relationships.

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"I found it difficult to speak to people and to make connections," she explained.

“I remember I mostly felt kind of like I was drained here. I was finding things got really got hard and I was feeling lost and all over the place."

Fenella says that her loneliness was born out of the long periods of isolation that she would face in a city were she knew nobody. However, even when a familiar face would come around she had become so acquainted with the solace that she found herself unable to open up to close friends from back home.

“One of my best friends came around and I couldn’t really connect with them that well.

Fenella in Paris (Fenella Hawksley-Walker)

"I was so used to being sociable and friendly at work that in my own time it felt like I was being forced to be sociable.”

According to a new report, young people are feeling lonelier than ever.

The study revealed that people aged 16-29 are twice as likely to report feelings of loneliness compared to those who are over 70. The figures by ONS found that an average of around seven per cent who report feeling lonely say this usually occurs during the winter months of November and February, with the study estimating that this affects 3. 7 million people.

Originally from London, Fenella now 29, has since moved back home where she says she’s much happier, however, during her time in France she found a community to which she belonged in at a cross fit gym.

Those aged between 16-29 are over two times as likely to report feeling lonely often or always than those over 70 (9.7% versus 3.7%), with those aged between 30-49 close behind at 8.2%, according to new analysis of the latest ONS data. (MEN)

“I think exercise is a big help and I couldn’t recommend it more. But also finding a community in these places," she said.

“Not every gym has a community feel. Some gyms you sort of enter, work out and leave and you can spend the entire time not speaking to a single person.

“I found a cross fit gym that’s really like a family, everybody is so supportive and understanding, they really open and honest.”

She hasn't stopped there however, Fenella is also the presenter of a podcast about loneliness called 'Conversations to Connect' in collaboration with Campaign To End Loneliness. Her aim is to raise awareness around loneliness and social isolation through conversations among people of all ages.

Young people are feeling lonelier than ever (Dmitrii Kiselev)

Robin Hewings, programme director at the campaign said: “Younger generations are expressing high or chronic levels of loneliness which demonstrates the importance of understanding why this happens, how it can be prevented, and how it can be intervened effectively.

“Since the peak of the pandemic, chronic levels of loneliness have not returned back to levels we saw before lockdown. While this could, in part, be down to loneliness becoming a more accepted and talked about issue that can impact any of us at any stage of life, it’s clear that there are millions of people experiencing the severest form of loneliness, which we must continue to address.

“Although younger people are at higher risk of loneliness, there are pockets of older people who are severely affected by loneliness, particularly if they have been bereaved, are disabled or are particularly frail.”

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