Dear Coleen,
I’m a woman in my fifties and over the past few months, I’ve started to worry a lot about everything.
I’m terrified of my parents dying, as they’re both about to turn 80 soon (although currently in good health), I worry about my children at school and about my marriage.
I worry a lot about the state of the world my kids are growing up in and what the future holds for them.
I can’t pinpoint where all this has sprung from. I used to be quite a relaxed, happy-go-lucky person, but now I’m just afraid of everything.
I know my family and friends have noticed a change in me and my husband has been great. But while it’s good to have support and kindness, it’s not really helping me to get out of this rut.
I had an operation last year, which thankfully wasn’t serious (although it might have been) and since then I’ve been concerned about my health, constantly checking myself for lumps and skin problems.
I hate feeling like this all the time and want to get back to being more carefree. What would you suggest?
Coleen says
The midlife crisis is a real thing and I totally relate to your letter because I had those feelings, too. And I’m not talking about those clichés of affairs and sports cars, but a waking up to your own mortality.
You start getting leaflets through the door about stair lifts, care homes and funerals, and it all coincides with the menopause, people around you getting ill, your parents ageing, and your kids growing up and needing you less.
It’s a lot to process and I think if you don’t take control of it, it can spiral into a depression.
It’s important to start focusing on the other side of the coin – you’re lucky to be fit and healthy in your fifties and still have both parents.
Your husband seems supportive, so maybe you need to find some joint goals and get excited about what’s in your future as a couple. But don’t spend your life now worrying about what might or might not happen five or 10 years down the line. Try to live more in the present and enjoy the journey you’re on.
Menopause impacts you mentally as well as physically, but there’s lots of help and support out there these days if you feel you need it.
Cognitive behavioural therapy is very effective for anxiety-related issues, exercise is great, and you can try meditation and positive thinking apps – I’m a big fan of the Calm app.
Find something to immerse yourself in that calms the mind and switches your focus, so you’re not spiralling into a cycle of overthinking.
