Should you order a burger from a petrol station? That's the existential question I faced ahead of my recent visit to Smashville Burger - the takeaway serving up American classics at Monarch Service Station just off Broadway in Oldham. While you can get some decent grub at petrol stations - and certainly at service stations nowadays - I tend to associate pit stops like this with quick and easy convenience food and snacks for the road rather than a five-star gourmet experience.
After intensely studying a number of TikTok videos - I’m something of a Luddite - of people’s experience of Smashville I was cautiously optimistic, and rather sadly, visibly excited at the prospect of being able to stock up on fuel and get a car wash at the same time - two birds, one stone.
As someone who only experienced their first Burger King a few weeks ago, I definitely don’t consider myself to be a fast-food burger connoisseur, so I knew this task required calling in an expert. One text to my brother later - “want to get a burger from a petrol station, I’ll pay” - and we found ourselves pulling up into the forecourt, winding our windows down and exchanging a knowing nod as we prepared to lift the lid on the Smashville Burger experience.
This isn’t their first rodeo of course, in a former life this burger joint called a converted double decker bus it’s home. Parked up on the forecourt of a car wash just off Cheetham Hill Road next to Manchester Fort Shopping Centre, it seems unique locations and quirky setups are all part of the charm when it comes to Smashville.
Heading into the shop, I somehow get myself caught up in a group of kids on their school holidays arguing the toss with the shop assistant about how many of them are allowed in the shop at any one time. I’m fairly sure it's four - there's a sign - and that she’s mistaken me for one of them, which is all just a bit awkward really, and threatens to blow my cover before we’ve even reached the counter.
After extricating myself from that debacle I meet back up with my brother who’s perusing the extensive menu they have on offer, spanning burgers, chicken tenders, cheesy fries and milkshakes. We decided to divide and conquer - the Oklahoma (£6.50) for me and a spicy X Chicken Burger (£5.50) for my brother, plus some cheesy fries (£3) and a couple of cans of soft drinks (£1) for good measure.
I should say, I asked him to order the hottest burger before we went in, partly to push the parameters of the review, and partly because we’re siblings and putting each other through the paces is something you don’t grow out of. The beef burgers here, which I opted for, are made from freshly-ground premium cuts and served smashed - so roughly shaped and then casually thrown on the grill and pushed against it.
That process takes a bit of time, so while we wait we take in the sights of Monarch Service Station. We stumble on a gold mine of sweet treats, from aisles of American candy to slushy machines and coffee and hot chocolate dispensers where you can grab either a Hershey's or Reese’s peanut butter hot drink. I opt for the latter, which may not have been wise before tucking into a hefty burger, but nor regrets here, it’s one of the best I’ve had, and just on the right side of the sickly sweet line.
Soon enough the burgers arrive, wrapped in chequered pockets of waxed paper and nicely packaged in branded Smashville takeaway boxes. Aware that we’ve loaded up on enough food and drink to feed a small family we hastily take to my car, devising our game plan as we go. As previously mentioned I’m a bit of a novice when it comes to burgers, so I sit there for a while not really knowing what to do with myself or what to tackle first.
In the time it takes me to slowly unpack my burger, my brother has almost polished off his, and, is making a fair go of the cheesy fries, while also making sure to stay hydrated with his blue raspberry Tango slushy. Fair play.
When I finally catch up I’m pleasantly surprised by what awaits. To look at, the Oklahoma (single) is a beast - a signature patty smashed in onion heaven with red onion, gherkin and served on a potato bun roll with plenty of Smashville sauce.
Well-browned with a perfect crispy edge, the thin patty is cooked just as I like it with a bit of pinkness still on show. The first bite is an instant success - juicy and with spot on seasoning. The special sauce brings a touch of welcome heat, and while I do love melted cheese, I don’t get a chance to sample it here as it’s already headed south and is all over my fingers - I did tell you I was new to this.
Sandwiched inside a potato bun roll - the kind of bread I would just mindlessly snack on - it holds its own well, and doesn’t go too soggy despite me taking an inexplicable amount of time to eat the damn thing. Things are going swimmingly on the passenger side of the car, meanwhile, where The X Chicken Burger has been devoured - “it wasn’t even that spicy”, he tells him. Shame.
Encased within a sesame-speckled bun with a nice bit of shine on it, chicken tenders coated in their signature X sauce take centre stage here and judging by the slow clapping clapping going on next to me, it’s a hit. With what’s left of the cheesy fries - not much - I tuck in, and I have to say they’re not half bad, though they could be a touch fluffier.
The skin-on fries with cheese are covered in a dusting of smoky seasoning, which works really well with both the chicken and beef burgers, and while they might not be quite as good as Nando's, they’re certainly up there. Honestly, once we had both finished off the last of our burgers and chips, I felt a little sad - what I had expected to be decidedly average turned out to be surprisingly good, and made for a wholesome sibling moment.
Would I go again? There's definitely a possibility that if I was in this neck of the woods I would consider it. Perhaps the biggest lesson from this all though is not to judge a book by its cover. I wasn't expecting much from a burger joint where I can't even sit down, but I'm happy to put my hands up and say that if it's fuel, a car wash and a very decent burger you're after - you needn't look much further.
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