‘Small doner please’. Three words I don’t ever recall saying sober in the queue at Jason Donervan, but then it’s only 8.30pm on Saturday and the night is young.
Well, perhaps not quite so young by the look of some of my fellow customers. A few of the students waiting for their cheesy chips and chicken wraps certainly look as if they’ve been in the pubs for a while.
And then there’s the poor chap in the old school tie, slumped on the bench in front of the van. He’s being fed slices of doner meat by his friends, some of whom are, of course, filming it on their phones for future amusement.
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Not that their video will get a fraction of the shares or retweets Jason Donervan got the other week. Since they had a surprise visit from the real Jason Donovan for Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway, they’ve become stars in their own right.
Bristol has dozens of nocturnal kebab shops aimed at people on the way home from the pub or between pub and club. It’s as much a part of boozy British nightlife as fish and chips or a trip to the curry house.
But for more than 20 years, Jason Donervan has secured its place as Bristol’s best-known kebab venue. It also benefits from the best location opposite the Victoria Rooms on Queens Road.
There is a lengthy menu on offer at this brightly illuminated, spotlessly clean mobile van. If you don’t go for the kebab option, there are numerous alternatives, many of them under a fiver.
A chicken burger will set you back £3.50, a hot dog costs £3 and chips and curry sauce is just £2.50. If you really want to push the boat out, there’s the £7.50 ‘large mixed kebab’ which Jason Donovan went for - although I’m told the former Neighbours star only managed three or four mouthfuls for the cameras. Pah!
Although I’m by no means a regular, I’m no stranger to Jason Donervan. After all, I drink in pubs nearby and it’s on my route home in the small hours - I’ve lost count how many chilli sauce drips and meaty grease stains have ruined pairs of suede shoes over the years.
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When I texted a friend to tell him I was heading down there to review the kebab sober, there were plenty of rude emojis in the reply. ‘My days of staggering around The Triangle clutching a Jason kebab are long gone, mate,’ he chortled, followed by ‘more’s the pity!’
And that’s the thing about this after-dark Bristol institution - everybody seems to know it and everyone has an opinion or memory attached to it.
I have to say it was slightly odd ordering a small doner (£5) at a time when I would normally be settling down for an evening in the pub. My usual time for one has always been long after ‘last orders at the bar’.
There is always a guilt element to eating a kebab in a shop doorway on a wet Saturday evening. It screams either ‘drunk’ or ‘what a loser’ … or both.
I dare say it also tastes better after a few beers. In fact, it definitely tastes more palatable after a few pints.
The first thing that’s noticeable is how generous the portion is. For a fiver, it’s a substantial meal, whichever way you look at it.
Inside the warm wrap, the filling is spilling out, the various juices and sauces trickling down fingers. This is messy eating at its finest.
The ‘meat’ - a loose term as nobody ever really knows, or wants to know, what those ‘elephant legs’ rotating on the grill are made of - is strong flavoured, herby, salty and has a lingering, greasy taste that’s more like mutton than lamb.
The salad is super fresh and not at all tired or floppy. The finely sliced cabbage and white onions have plenty of cold crunch and there's a lemony, herby tang.
From a choice of various sauces, I predictably went for the chilli, which has a serious kick. My tongue was still throbbing five minutes later - it was like licking a hot radiator.
It was so filling that I couldn’t finish it. Actually, I probably could have but the guilt would have been too much to bear.
But then Jason Donervan’s kebabs are an occasional treat rather than an everyday meal. And if it’s good enough for the real-life Jason, it’s good enough for me.
