Shelley Frost had spent months preparing for the arrival of her baby daughter. Saylor Jayne Frost, who had already captured her heart, was due to be born in July.
Just weeks before her due date, Shelley had been blessed with gifts and wishes of good luck at her baby shower and was so in love with her baby girl, she could not wait for her arrival. But at 40 weeks, when Shelley started experiencing labour pains, she suffered the tragic loss that no mother should when she was told her baby was no longer alive in the womb.
Shelley said she knew something was not right when she started experiencing contractions. Her mother contacted the Princess of Wales Hospital in Bridgend and they went straight down from their home in Gilfach Goch.
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"I got there and told them something was wrong so they got the heart monitor and I could tell straight away something was wrong. I couldn't hear anything. The midwife then said she'll be back and left, and I turned to my mother and said 'she's gone'. My mother was trying to keep me calm saying 'she's fine she will be here soon'. I remember being moved from the ward to a private room where the doctor came in and told me the worst news."
The 27-year-old was told that Saylor had passed away in the womb. A nurse suggested Shelley invite any family members down for support, and her brother, sister and step father all joined her at the hospital. Shelley said: "I didn't know what to think or what to do. I was just numb."
After 20 minutes of pushing, Shelley gave birth to Saylor, and described her as "the most amazing little girl I have ever laid eyes on, she was perfect". Saylor was placed in Shelley's arms where she was able to cuddle her while the nurses took Shelley's bloods and ran some tests.
"I remember being pregnant and couldn't wait to hear her first cry, and that didn't happen, it was the worst and best day of my life, I gave birth to my baby and lost her."
It didn't take long before nurses rushed into the room and hurriedly took Shelley into intensive care. She said: "I was dying and they couldn't figure out how because I was well in myself. My organs, liver and kidneys were all crashing and then my heart. They were trying to figure out what was happening and trying to keep me alive as well, it was a whirlwind of emotions, nobody knew why or what was happening."
Shelley was stabilised and finally reunited with her family and baby Saylor who was kept in a cold cot in their private room with her. She said at this point there was still no explanation as to what happened to her and Saylor.
"They asked if I wanted a post-mortem for Saylor, and at first I said no as I just wanted her to rest in peace without being messed with, but then I needed to know what happened and if it was anything myself or the doctors could have done to prevent what had happened. She was taken away and it was the most heart breaking feeling ever, but I needed answers. All I knew was that little girl saved my life."
Shelley praised the doctors and midwives at the hospital for their support throughout her time there, and couldn't thank her family enough for spending the days and nights with her.
"When it was time to leave the hospital it was soul crushing. I should have been walking out with my baby but instead I was carrying a memory box. I will never forget the walk down the hallway, it felt so long, like I was walking for miles.
"I had already told my mother to put away all the baby's things that I had put ready for her to come home as I didn't want to see them. I didn't open the memory box for a few weeks after, nor did I go into her room, I couldn't.
"I don’t think I have grieved yet, I have cried many times and missing the things that I should have been doing, I feel guilty for doing things. My life has changed so much but is still the same, I feel like I’m lost in a big world I don’t know what to do day to day."
A few weeks afterwards, Shelley came across the charity Sands, she described it as "a group that nobody wants to be in, or should be in". She described the help from the charity as amazing and decided to take part in a Ribbon Run on October 15, and raised £1,000 to give to the charity.
Last week, Shelley received the results of Saylor's post mortem which confirmed that Shelley was suffering with HELLP at the time of Saylor's death. According to the NHS, HELLP is a rare liver and blood clotting disorder that can affect pregnant women. Shelley was showing no symptoms of HELLP but it explains why she was so unwell following Saylor's birth.
"Her little heart couldn't take the stress," Shelley added. Only now, three months after Saylor's passing does Shelley feel ready to talk about what happened. She has asked for counselling and though she stressed her family have been amazing, she is looking forward to further support.
"My life will never be the same and she will always be my baby. Saylor was stillborn but still born."
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