The trailer for Aussie Shore — the brash spin-off of iconic reality shows Geordie Shore and Jersey Shore — does not disappoint. Just like its predecessors, it follows a bunch of horny, hot young people as they get on the piss and get up to mischief. On-screen, it’s a sight to behold but as an audience, this isn’t our first rodeo. We’re now well accustomed to the sneaky tricks during the editing process that make the fights, hookups and the show as tantalising as possible. It makes for great television, but god, it also makes it difficult to discern what’s real and what is purely for the plot.
This time around, I refuse to be reality television’s pawn. To find out whether the Aussie Shore cast truly were the dirty little party animals they seemed to be, I decided to jump on a flight from Sydney to preview the first two episodes with the cast before joining them for a night on the town at Cairn’s most beloved venue, Gilligan’s. And let me tell you — they did not disappoint.
They did, however, leave me with a cracking headache as I write this. So, without further ado, here’s what went down on a night out with the cast of Aussie Shore.
A night out with the Aussie Shore cast, a diary
8:00pm — The night begins
With the series about to launch, the Aussie Shore cast reunited in Cairns. It was the first time they’d all been together since the series finished filming back in March and the vibes between the gang were high as they caught up in person. But before the actual partying began, it was time for the cast — along with the Cairns Mayor Amy Eden, councillor Rhonda Coughlan, some Paramount+ big dogs and myself — to watch the final cut of episode one for the first time.
After grabbing a welcome drink, I sat in the back with the show’s publicist Lorraine and started getting to know the cast, who were all keen to have a chat and down a bevvy or two. It was also fun to reconnect with reality TV veteran and noted sweet pea Callum Hole, who I’d chatted with before he went into the I’m A Celebrity… Get me Out Of Here jungle.
9:00pm — Somebody check on Rhonda
The show began and within the first few minutes (which contained a smorgasbord of tits, ass and a snippet of a blow job, to give you a bit of an idea) the cast was hooting and hollering as they took it all in for the first time.
But it wasn’t long before eyes began to shift to the back of the room where the Cairns government representatives were perched, their faces plastered into a permanent smile while their eyes said ‘help’ as they watched the absolute cesspit of debauchery playing out in front of them.
After a tough couple of years in Cairns, filming the show with the coastal city’s gorgeous tropical backdrop was a welcome opportunity to inspire nightlife tourism in the area. But I’m willing to bet that these mindful, demure ladies of the local Cairns government never expected to watch someone piss on someone else in a pool on a Tuesday night.
10:30pm — It’s time for the club
With the screening done and dusted, it was time to head to Gilligan’s. Look, I may be a born and bred Sydney girl, but even I have heard of Gilligans. The heart and soul of Cairns’ nightlife, it’s a bar connected to a backpackers hostel located right on the beach. It’s got a pool, an incredibly large dance floor and — thanks to the influx of travellers every single night — a non-stop party scene. Although it was a bit empty now, the cast assured me the club would be packed by 12pm.
Apparently, according to tall bisexual king Manaak Hoepo, we’d arrived on singles night and I quickly discovered that as a recently engaged gal dressed head to toe in green, I was sending some seriously mixed messages.
Once everyone arrived, the game was on. Within seconds, a tray of wet pussy shots in plastic mini-cups appeared on the table. While it had been hot minute since I’d had one, it made me question why I ever stopped. Those things are fkn delicious.
They disappeared equally as quickly, and then, the group floated towards the bar.
It turns out I didn’t have to wait in line after all as Tom Tuck— a former country boy who describes himself as ‘a nice guy who loves to fuck’ — slams a Midori pre-mix in my hand like we were teenagers drinking underage in a park. God bless.
10:37pm — The dancing begins
You know how when you go to a club before 11pm or 12am and the dance floor is empty? For most people, it’s intimidating. It feels like a grown-up version of a high school dance where you’re waiting for the extroverted popular kids to actually get the dance floor started. But my anxious ass didn’t have to worry because the Aussie Shore cast had that shit handled.
Blonde bombshell Cartia Sinigaglia grabbed Lily Stephenson, a noted wet t-shirt champion. Then Lily found sexy court officer Kyle, who grabbed tattooed gentle giant Cooper Black and before I knew it, the dance floor well and truly had begun.
10:52pm — We’re already a few rounds deep
Although we’d only been at the club for 32 minutes, we were already three rounds deep. Every time I looked over at the table, Jaeda Chamberlain— who looked like a gorgeous human disco ball in her metallic silver dress — was double parked. Con Mourmourakis, a Greek barber with the physique of a Greek god, downed an entire Midori pre-mix in two sips.
Left right and centre, drinks were being downed. Cartia’s was spilling everywhere in a way that was equal parts sexy and very damp. I love her.
Meanwhile, Callum — who has already won the hearts of Australia after his stint on I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out Of Here and Love Island Australia — was already working the room, speaking to a bunch of beautiful British backpackers.
11:30pm — Singles night manifests into a very low-budget version of The Bachelorette
As soon as the clock hit 11:30, a voice came ringing out over the sound system looking for an obliging single woman to participate in a little dating game. In what seemed like destiny, Cartia suddenly appeared on stage, blindfolded and ready for anything as Cooper, Con and Manaaki sat on stage behind her.
Carita was instructed to pick three questions from a list to ask her potential beaus including “What turns you off and why?”
The fellas gave some delightful answers about female personal hygiene.
“I’m not a fish monger, I’m not feeding the turtles today,” said Manaaki, truly using the metaphor to its fullest, most visceral extent.
“No one likes a girl who hasn’t fucking showered,” Con agreed. So true, king.
Cooper took a different route saying his biggest turn-off is “any other female other than Catia.” Well played, big dog.
Although the dating game was a bit of silly fun, Cartia must have liked one of the blokes’ answers because the next day during some very hungover interviews, she revealed that she hooked up with one of them that night. I can’t give any spoilers but the answer miiiiiiiight surprise you.
11:48pm — More shots
For some, shots are a vehicle to kick start the night before moving on to more relaxed beveraginos. The Aussie Shore cast begs to differ.
For the rising reality stars, shots are an incredibly valid method of alcohol consumption. They’d argue that shots are the most effective and efficient way of getting absolutely plastered in the shortest amount of time. The science would agree.
Although the wet pussy shots were delicious and not as strong as straight-up spirits, I wasn’t entirely prepared for another round.
12:15am — The club is finally full
I’ll admit, I wasn’t convinced that Gilligan’s on a Tuesday night would actually pop. After all, I’m used to the dwindling nightlife in Sydney, where even a busy club on a Friday or Saturday is never guaranteed. But, true to their word, Gilligan’s did begin to fill up and by the time it was 12 the dance floor seemed to be where every traveller in Cairns suddenly manifested. It may not have been heaving like a weekend, but the dance floor was full and the vibes were significantly higher than expected.
12:43am — Lexie’s talent knows no bounds
Before I got on the plane, I did what any self-respecting journalist would do: I stalked the cast on Instagram and read all the information about them I possibly could. In my research, I discovered something so impressive it left me dumbstruck — gorgeous pansexual pocket-rocket Lexie Dyer can queef on command.
While I’d hope most of you are well aware of what a queef is, let me explain for the outliers in the bunch. A queef is a gust of air from the vagina, otherwise known as a fanny fart.
On the show, the cast is so outgoing that it’s almost unfathomable to me. I’d do anything for just a pinch of their no-holds-barred attitudes. For them, nothing — and I mean nothing — is off limits, including queefs. But queefing in front of your mates in a house is one thing. Queefing in the middle of a dance floor in a bustling club is another. So far, I’d felt like the cast were truly the dirty dawgs that they’d been made out to be on Aussie Shores. But if anything were to shatter the illusion, it would be whether Lexie would queef on command into my microphone in the middle of a club.
To my absolute delight within seconds, the mic was in front of her bits and she was giving it a crack.
“I don’t know if you can hear this but it’s coming out,” she says apologetically over the music.
I’ll be honest, this whole scenario is the last thing I ever expected to document when I decided to become a journalist but when duty calls, one must prevail. It really is showbiz, baby.
1:08am — The Aussie Shore crowd begins to thin
By the time the clock hits 1am, most of the gang have retreated back to the hotel. To be totally fair, I think that’s partly my fault. We’ve got interviews bright and early tomorrow. But also, they put in some pretty hard innings so they get a pass from me.
It’s now Lexie, Callum and Manaaki left on the dance floor.
“Should we do some shots?” Callum yells, his Welsh accent cutting through the music. It’s my turn so I head to the bar, returning with yet another tray of peachy shooters.
1:49am — I’m calling it a night
If it wasn’t abundantly clear, I’m not cut out for the Aussie Shore lifestyle. I’m a boo’d-up baby who goes to bed at 9pm. I love green juice, sitting in the sun and enjoying a 5-9 before my 9-5. I reckon I’d pull one club all-nighter about every six months, at best. And — after having my last big night out on the town the Saturday prior — I was in no state to continue the kick-ons.
I said my goodbyes, leaving Lexie, Callum and Manaaki on the dance floor and headed back to the hotel.
2:05am — Goodnight, and wish me luck
Thankfully the hotel was only a block away and within 10 minutes my face was cleansed and I was snuggled up in bed.
In conclusion, I can guarantee with all my heart and soul that the Aussie Shore cast truly are the hedonists they appear on the show. They well and truly lived up to the hype. But I also want to note that I think they’re all lovely, genuine people. With any of these shows, the magic is in the authenticity. You may not want to get up to the mischief they do on international television, but they truthfully can’t get enough.
Their candour and legitimacy are incredibly refreshing. They may be loose units, but trust me, they’re very, very lovable.
If you want to see how the night went down, you can check out the video proof below.
Episode one of Aussie Shore is now available to stream on Paramount+.
The post I Partied With The Aussie Shore Cast & Ended Up Doing Things I Never Thought I’d Do On The Clock appeared first on PEDESTRIAN.TV .
