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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Entertainment
Guardian readers and Rachel Obordo

‘Men don’t want to be told they are toxic’: what young people really think of Adolescence

Owen Cooper as Jamie Miller in Adolescence.
A chilling insight … Owen Cooper as Jamie Miller in Adolescence. Photograph: Courtesy of Netflix

‘It left me wanting to cry’

I found it shocking, to be honest. You always hear about TV shows being absolutely heartbreaking but this is one of the first to actually leave me wanting to cry, but not knowing how. Shows always try to capture what teenagers are like, but they never get it as accurately as Adolescence has. I could relate to some of the scenes, but Jamie and Eddie Miller really had an impact on me. Their struggles with anger are ones I’ve witnessed from people I’ve known. It was triggering because it was so accurate. I have a son who I adore and you never know what a child’s future is going to be like. You want the best for them. To raise them to succeed and be great, kind people. I don’t know how I’d feel if he did something like Jamie [did]. Danielle, 20, Oxfordshire

‘Society is constantly belittling and putting down young men’

The larger issue is society constantly belittling and putting down young men (particularly young white men). Yes, Andrew Tate and ideas which degrade women are obviously bad, and young men do get exposed to it all sometimes. But they have been conditioned to feel guilty for who they are and this causes a crisis of identity, which can lead some men to embrace the extreme ideas of someone like Tate.

Men don’t want to be told they are “toxic”. By constantly putting men down, society is driving young men to be influenced by people such as Tate, as they see no approval from anywhere in their life. Justin, 22, self-employed, Melbourne

‘Not being on social media until senior year of high school was the best decision’

It was chilling to see a real-life look into the effects of social media and cyberbullying on my generation and the next. My parents didn’t give me an iPhone until 8th grade (when children are about 13 years old) and I didn’t get social media until senior year of high school (about 17 years old) – that was the best decision they ever made. I was bullied as a kid and I can only imagine the impact it would’ve had on me if I had been on social media at the same time. Calden, 21, student, Boston, Massachusetts

‘I couldn’t take it seriously after the emoji conversation’

The technical achievement and harrowing performances should be applauded, but at times I felt I could really tell that this programme was not written in consultation with the age group of the main character. The emoji conversation in episode two totally ruined my immersion in the show, and I found the rest of the programme difficult to take as seriously. Yes, young people do use emojis to communicate in code (as do adults!), but I have not come across a single person, internet result or Urban Dictionary post explaining that the “100” and “kidney bean” emojis might have a nefarious double meaning. Anna, 25, student, London

‘It was a wake-up call to oblivious parents and teachers’

I think Adolescence painted the harrowing reality of today’s online world. I see people idolising Andrew Tate, spewing misogynistic rhetoric, and passing it off as a joke. The idea of victimising young boys, the “incels”, takes away their agency and pins the blame on “choosey” females. Even in my old school, the guys would comment on girls’ bodies, their intellect, and shame them, laugh at them and belittle them. The worst part was that they never realised the wrongness of their actions. But I don’t hate them. I grew up with these people; they are good people, but I pity them. They are young teens like us girls, and I hate that they have been subjected to such nonsense under the guise of truth. I think the show was a wake-up call to oblivious parents and teachers, and I hope it paves the way for real change. *Anika, 18, student, midwestern US

‘I could have been radicalised by Jamie’

I’ve been out of school for years now, but the issue is still the same. I nearly became an incel. I was a prime candidate: chubby, sensitive, a learning disability and the child of a particularly ugly divorce I was old enough to process. I could have been radicalised by Jamie. I recognised some of my old classmates in the show – all of them diagnosed with serious mental health issues, all of them medicated and with appropriate levels of care. It’s been heartening to see the incel issue finally be acknowledged by the government; the glaring omission of discussion around Jamie’s quite clear emotional and mental disorders, however, is extremely concerning. I worry that by blaming the violence exclusively on inceldom we risk reducing the violence to just another “culture war” topic, a political football to make arguments with. *Dan, 27, Kent

‘Young people need to feel seen – they need us to acknowledge their pain’

After watching the show, I found myself reflecting on what the character, Jamie, really needed. It became clear that his pain wasn’t about being the most attractive or popular – it was about not feeling enough, not feeling seen. Young people don’t always need an adult to tell them what is wrong with social media or what to be afraid of. They already know that. What they need is for us to acknowledge the pain they’re carrying, whether it’s from a friend betraying them, or from the crushing feeling that no one is paying attention to them. They need to know that their feelings are valid, and that it’s OK to hurt. We shouldn’t shame the behaviour that comes from these feelings; we should understand it, and work with it. Olivia, 21, works for a youth organisation, Bentleigh, Melbourne

‘I’ve seen it first-hand – my ex-boyfriend got into Andrew Tate’

I’ve seen it first-hand with boys falling down this pipeline, unfortunately – it’s scary how much someone can change because of it. I remember noticing it with my ex-boyfriend. We were both 16 at the time, and he and his friends started getting into Andrew Tate and spouting really toxic views. Within a few weeks we had broken up because he had started losing basic respect for me, while his friends started speaking about women as simply a hole and not much more. Around the same time, a friend of mine was getting death threats after she rejected a boy (who was known to be in the incel community at the time). Luckily, nothing ever came of it, but I remember her not bothering to go to our teachers since she thought they wouldn’t do anything, as he was perceived as a “good, misunderstood kid”. *Lydia, 19, sales assistant, Essex

‘The lack of voice or perspective from the victims seemed a strange omission’

There is no question that the camerawork was technically very impressive, as was the acting. However, I was quite surprised that there wasn’t more criticism of the absence of Katie, Jamie’s victim, or her family, and with little depth given to her best friend who is only briefly seen. While the pressures on young men are obviously important to investigate, as is the pressure on women and girls from the resultant misogyny – and the lack of any voice or perspective from the victims seemed a strange omission. Joseph, student, Shropshire

‘Unfortunately entirely accurate’

Absolutely stunning and unfortunately entirely accurate. Kids are young but they’re the oldest they’ve ever been. And they’re consuming content aimed even older. In that gap is where insecurity, self-loathing and anticipation can really grow. Not to mention a whirlwind of hormones. *Jennifer, 23, works in marketing, Sydney

‘It didn’t live up to the hype’

I didn’t think Adolescence lived up to the hype. Episodes one and three were great, but episode two was awful and I didn’t finish the last one. The tone felt confused – even though the writers said that the show is not meant to be a whodunnit, episode two was still framed as one as it revolved around the search for the murder weapon. For this reason, it didn’t work at all for me. I think the show would have been much better if the tone was more consistent, and Jamie’s misogyny and how it led to violence had been explored further. Rosie, 21, student, Glasgow

‘I’m just so scared of this social environment we’re in’

I think it’s one of the most important shows for this age and generation. I thought it was really well done in actually exploring the harmful realities of social media and our online presence – and not in a “social media bad” kind of way. I have a younger brother who goes to an all-boys school and I’m constantly checking on what he talks about, what his friends do and what he’s looking at online. I even point out explicitly when it’s misogynistic or inappropriate because I’m just so scared of this social environment that we’re in. *Katie, 18, Sydney

*Names have been changed

In the UK, the charity Mind is available on 0300 123 3393 and Childline on 0800 1111. In the US, call or text Mental Health America at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. In Australia, support is available at Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, Lifeline on 13 11 14, and at MensLine on 1300 789 978

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