I had an internal exam yesterday and my cervix bled as soon as the doctor touched it, so I’ve got to go for an emergency scan tomorrow. I’ve had cervical cancer before and I’m worried. I’ve got pain in my pelvis and back, and feel constantly bloated. I’m exhausted. They can whip it out as far as I’m concerned. At least it would leave me a few pounds lighter.
Talking of which, the new prime minister seems determined to leave me a few pounds lighter too. What is she on? First of all the government gave us money to ease the cost of living crisis, and now it looks as if it wants it back. Mad Lizzie (the one in No 10, not the fitness guru) – is already saying that we’ve got to balance the books. Fair enough, but by reducing benefits in real terms? I’m no Yanis Varoufakis, but where’s the logic in giving with one hand and taking with the other? It beggars belief.
Then again, we’ve got to remember this is the woman who wanted to abolish the royal family when she was a Lib Dem. Then she goes back on it when the Queen dies, and wants to kiss their regal arses. How can you trust somebody who changed her tune on that and has done a U-turn on the 45% tax cut, and now looks as if she’s going to reverse the government’s pledge to link benefits to inflation? Mad Lizzie doesn’t know whether it’s Monday or Friday.
If they link my universal credit increase to wages rather than inflation, I’ll be stuffed. As a working single mum of two with health issues, I’m barely coping now. But we’ve not had a cold spell yet. I’m increasingly aware whenever sockets are turned on in the house, and am constantly switching them off. I wait for the kids to come home from school before putting the heating on.
I’ve invested in throws from Primark, so if we’re going without heating at least we’ll be able to wrap ourselves up. But nobody should have to struggle like this. MPs think people on benefits are lazy good-for-nothings who won’t do anything about their situation. They don’t realise, or aren’t willing to acknowledge, that circumstances result in some people being sick and not working.
Despite my health problems, I’m still working the maximum 16 hours a week. That may have to change, though, if the cancer is back. I last had cancerous cells on my cervix 13 years ago, when they were burned off. If I’ve got to have everything taken out this time, that’s a major operation. I may be off work for three months, and I just can’t afford that. I’d have to see if my boss would let me sit down while working at her jewellery-fixing shop.
Mad Lizzie needs to take a week out of her life and come here and live on my money. I’ll go through all the finances with her, and show her just how hard it is for a working mum with two kids to survive. That would shock her.
At least the kids are doing OK. I don’t sugarcoat things with them. I’m like: “If you want to sugarcoat it, go and eat a doughnut.” I’ve told them there’s stuff going on with my cervix. I’m gently bringing them up to speed. I won’t hide things from them and they say: “It’s OK Mum, we’ll get through it.” My kids are ace. I’ve told them it’s all going to be OK, but to be honest I’m shitting myself. My emergency scan is at 9am tomorrow. Wish me luck.
If everything is OK and it’s all healed, I’ll celebrate by getting my vibrator down from the attic. Thankfully it’s battery operated. If it worked off the mains I wouldn’t even be able to afford to pleasure myself.
As told to Simon Hattenstone. Liz is in her 40s and lives in the south-west of England. Her name has been changed
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