Couples who laugh together stay together. But if one person is laughing at the other, is it really love?
This Redditor thought she’d found her perfect match. Though her fiancé often made comments about her scar, she tried to ignore them—until he cracked a particularly cruel joke in front of his family. The words stung, and she decided to postpone the wedding. Now, she’s unsure if she’s overreacting or finally seeing him for who he really is.
Read the full story below.
The woman’s fiancé made a cruel joke about her scar
Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Hurt, she put the wedding on hold, but he insists she’s overreacting
Image credits: Lino C. / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Upstairs_Garden2353
Couples who tease each other are happier, but only if they laugh together
We often say we want a partner with a great sense of humor. But while humor is subjective to some extent, many seem to appreciate those who know how to engage in witty banter.
In fact, researchers Kay Brauer and René Proyer from Martin Luther University of Halle-Wittenberg in Germany found that playful teasing can strengthen relationships—if both partners are on board.
As part of their study, 154 heterosexual couples answered questions about their relationship satisfaction and their attitudes toward humor: whether they feared being laughed at, enjoyed playful teasing, or liked making jokes at another’s expense.
Their findings revealed that a fear of being laughed at was linked to lower relationship happiness, and for women, it even impacted their partner’s sexual satisfaction. Meanwhile, couples who engaged in lighthearted teasing felt more connected, and women in these relationships reported higher intimacy and attraction, with their partners experiencing greater closeness as well.
But not all humor lands the same way. Those who enjoyed laughing at their partners rather than with them had more conflicts and disagreements. Another key takeaway was that couples tended to have similar attitudes toward humor, and when those attitudes aligned, they were more satisfied in their relationships.
In other words, mutual teasing can be a sign of trust and happiness, but when one person doesn’t enjoy it the same way, it can slowly wear down the relationship.
How to handle crossing the line
There’s a big difference between playful teasing and emotionally hurting your partner. Yet, some people seem oblivious to this and insist that their words were clearly a joke—so why can’t you take it?
Licensed clinical psychologist and couples therapist Alexandra H. Solomon, Ph.D. explains that it’s important to recognize the distinction between intent and impact.
“In an intimate partnership, we are going to step on each other’s toes from time to time. Our words and actions can have the impact of feeling hurtful to our partner without us having the intention of being hurtful,” she writes in Psychology Today. “Making this distinction can help us make amends. We can hold ourselves accountable with self-compassion, and our partners can let us know about their hurt while remembering that we are imperfect and lovable.”
Here, healthy communication is what matters most. If a joke stings, the person on the receiving end should be able to explain why it hurts without being dismissed. At the same time, the one who made the joke shouldn’t get defensive but instead listen, acknowledge their partner’s feelings, and work together to find a way forward.
“I love this saying: An intimate relationship is improved by the two or three things we don’t say each day. View a fight that stems from an ill-fated joke not as a reason to withdraw or get defensive but as a vehicle for intimacy,” Solomon shares.
“This moment of friction gifts you access into your partner’s interior, their map of pain points and insecurities, as well as insights into your own patterns and beliefs,” she adds. “Treating those tender spots—your own and your partner’s—with reverence and care deepens trust and creates healing. It also helps you to face the world together as a team. And there’s no better place to be than on your partner’s team!”
Readers took her side, telling her she’s not the problem and should walk away instead of just hitting pause
