Deri Baines-White paced up and down her bathroom as she tried to calm her butterflies. It felt different this time. Today could finally be the day.
She held her breath as she reached for the pregnancy test on the sink. Clutching it in her hand, she paused. She wanted to enjoy the sense of hope for a little bit longer.
Deri turned the stick around and opened her eyes. There it was – that familiar single line. That pang of disappointment.
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Deri and her husband Gary had been trying for a baby since 2010. Having met at the age of 35, the pair knew they wanted to create a family as soon as possible.
But they never have imagined they’d still be trying 13 years later – suffering 11 tragic miscarriages along the way.
“I can’t explain how much it would mean for us to be a family,” Deri, now 47, told the Manchester Evening News.
“It would be a wish come true – I can’t even put it into words. It’s been very stressful but we’re a strong unit and we’ve got through each loss. But every time we lost a baby, we lost part of our soul.”
Deri first fell pregnant at the end of 2010. Sadly, she suffered an ectopic pregnancy, where a fertilised egg implants itself outside of the womb.
She conceived a short time later but tragically had yet another ectopic pregnancy. That loss was followed by a blighted ovum, where the placenta and sac grow but there is no baby.
As they grew older, the couple, who live in Monton, Salford, decided to save up £6,000 for IVF treatment in Prague and visited the Czech Republic in 2013.
Deri had donor eggs implanted and fell pregnant with twins but tragically miscarried when fluid leaked into her womb.
“It was another loss and it was very devastating,” she added. “We went back and forth having miscarriages.
“I became obsessed [with becoming pregnant]. I must have spent around £2,000 on pregnancy tests.
“Sometimes I’ll take them three times a day. I can have a positive test in the morning and by the afternoon it will be negative and I knew it was going to be a loss. I was just looking all the time.”
In late 2019, while Deri was studying towards a mental health nursing degree at university, her mum Janice died after being diagnosed with a terminal illness.
Deri and Gary, also 47, had been living on a caravan park in Wales at the time of her death, using Janice’s property as proof of a second home.
But when she died, they no longer had anywhere to live when the park closed once a year, meaning Deri and Gary were given an eviction notice and found themselves homeless.
The trauma of losing her beloved mum left Deri in a very dark place. Too unwell to return to university, she he was diagnosed with PTSD and ultimately lost her job as a cleaner.
“We want to get pregnant for her to be a nana,” Deri said as she started to cry. “She wanted to be a nana and we couldn’t do that for her.
“I lost my place at university, I lost my job, my car and our home. I had to watch my mum die.”
With nowhere to live, the couple moved in with Gary’s mother in Salford before applying for a council property. They now live in their own one-bedroom flat in Monton.
“We came here jobless, homeless and carless,” Deri added. “We made a bit and now we’re here in our lovely little flat and our lives are back on track.”
Having recovered from the trauma, the pair now feel ready to try for a baby again – believing they only have one more shot due to their ages.
The couple have explored the option of adoption but did not meet the criteria due to living in a one-bedroom flat.
“We were homeless for a while so we weren’t thinking about getting pregnant,” Deri added.
“But we’re coming up to 48 this year and we just wanted to try once more for a baby. I’m feeling better and I’ve moved on and I think it’s the right time.”
Deri says the couple believe a hydrosalpinx – a fluid blockage in the fallopian tubes that can make it difficult to become pregnant – may be the reason behind all her baby losses.
She has now chosen to have her right fallopian tube removed and believes a donated embryo is the last chance she has at becoming a mother.
The couple are set to return to Prague for another round of IVF treatment, costing more than £10,000, and have set up a Gofundme appeal in the hopes of raising money for the procedure.
“My husband and I started later in life; it would be everything to us,” Deri added. “It would be the light at the end of the tunnel. It would complete us and our family.”
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