Tell you, what, sports fans – European football can be a cruel mistress. Look at my team, Motherwell, for example.
Last summer, hampered by an unprecedented number of injuries and suspensions, we played crack Irish outfit Sligo Rovers in the Europa Conference League and narrowly lost 3-0 on aggregate. (And at least two of the goals were probably offside…)
So thank goodness the chronic displays from Scotland’s ' Big Two ' can always put a smile back on my face.
As other supporters of the wee diddy teams will surely agree, isn’t it terrific when you get to this stage of the season and hear rival Old Firm fans arguing over who’s the LEAST WORST in Europe? And I make no apology for enjoying it.
Considering Celtic and Rangers have split the Scottish title between them for the past 37 YEARS – with zero hint of any competition – it’s only on the European stage we can watch The Gruesome Twosome getting regularly pumped. Rangers are now officially the worst team EVER in Champions League history (I bet Zadok the Priest is loving it) after six straight defeats and a minus 20 goal difference.
As one wag quite rightly pointed out, if Gio Van Bronckhorst’s men had simply forfeited every game in the group (with Uefa awarding their opponents a 3-0 win) they would be two goals better off…! Ajax wiped the floor with Rangers – twice – just like all the other teams, and their Champions League “campaign” (if that’s not too strong a word) was best summed up by a pal who said: “They were like a lighthouse in the desert: seen in flashes, but ultimately pointless.”
Right after the latest trouncing, Gio was quick to point out Ajax had enjoyed the weekend off. But so did Rangers –they played Aberdeen. Whether it was the Gers boss in the big match build-up or Celtic fans in Madrid, I loved it when they mentioned the huge financial gulf between the Old Firm and their opponents.
It’s a topic that will be conveniently forgotten when both return to domestic action this weekend against St Johnstone and Dundee United. I just wonder if getting their backsides well and truly skelped in Europe might make their fans think twice about this year’s title race? Remember, lads, whoever lifts the trophy will be FORCED back into the Champions League… Ouch!
Talking of a complete lack of entertainment, the clocks went back at the weekend and we all got an hour’s extra sleep on Saturday night – or two, if you tuned into Strictly… But that still wasn’t the worst TV programme on our screens this week.
Hands up if you were unfortunate enough to catch the “special” Halloween edition of This Morning? OMG!!! It was basically a 90-second idea stretched over two hours with all the usual presenters dressed up as The Addams Family. (At first glance, I thought Loose Women had started early.)
In fairness, Phil Schofield (Uncle Fester) and Holly Willoughby (Wednesday Addams) really looked the part, but let’s not forget they’re both masters of disguise – it’s the only way that they can leave the house since the Queen’s funeral without getting slaughtered…
If the show was meant to be scary, well, I’m sorry – it was hardly on a par with an open-top bus ride through Kirkton in Dundee. If it was meant to be funny, apologies again – even James Corden would think twice about plagiarising it… The one and only highlight of a truly honking programme?
A suitably crackpot guest who revealed she was about to get married to a GHOST. No sign of the groom, of course. He must have been one of those old-fashioned gentlemen ghosts who was waiting until the wedding night to give her the willies…
PS. It was Halloween on Monday – but not in Kilmarnock, apparently, where tradition dictates they celebrate “Killieween” on the last Friday in October. Weird, huh? I thought it was Halloween in Kilmarnock EVERY night.
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