I love my boyfriend very dearly and I know he loves me. I have no anxiety in my relationship. But, after two years, I have recently felt uninterested in sex, probably because in comparison with me he is “vanilla”. I would never dream of leaving him and would rather suppress my own sexual desire to solve the issue.
Many couples reach an impasse in their sexual connection because sex becomes predictable and loses the erotic spark, or because underlying relationship issues hinder the loving connection. In your case, you have made a broad assumption: do you really know your boyfriend is 100% vanilla? Or that he would not respond to something less mainstream? Since you have erotic interests outside the conventional realm why not introduce him gently to them? Intimacy requires the sharing of what arouses each of you, what your specific needs are and, especially, your creative ideas to spice it up. Initiate!
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
