“I’m sorry,” Catrin Rhiannon Rees told her sister Bethan as she lay dying in her hospital bed. “Don’t be sorry, just get better,” Bethan replied.
But Catrin wouldn’t get better. She died just days later cuddling the teddy she had loved since she was a toddler. She was 34-years-old.
Catrin, a self-employed dog groomer, was just 14 when she began suffering from paranoia and depression following the death of her aunt.
Her family say she was “convinced people hated her” and would “play things over in her head”.
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At the age of 24, Caitrin, from Merthyr Tydfil in Wales, sought counselling and was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome. Asperger's Syndrome, a form of autism spectrum disorder, is a developmental disorder.
But Cartin’s mental health really spiralled once the pandemic hit in 2020. On furlough and worried about her finances, Catrin attempted to find a second job but was rejected every time. It was at this point that her family noticed she began to “switch off”.
On the morning of Monday, February 20, 2023, Catrin didn't show up to work. It was later discovered she had taken a drug overdose and was rushed to Prince Charles Hospital.
Despite medical staff's best efforts, Catrin suffered from liver failure. She also went into cardiac arrest and her brain had swelled.
Tragically, she died two days later with her family by her side.
Now in memory of her sister, Bethan wants to raise awareness of Asperger's syndrome and suicide in a bid to help others. Studies over the years suggest that depression and suicide ideation is more common in people with autism than in the general population.
Bethan, a former teacher and a mother of two daughters, said she and her sister had a very close relationship growing up. With only three years apart between them, Bethan and Catrin would spend endless hours playing in the woodland area not far from their childhood home in Merthyr Tydfil.
"We grew up in a very rural area," Bethan said. "We were friends and sisters, we only had each other for most of the time. Even though Catrin was a tomboy and I was a girly-girl, we were very close. We would spend most of our time up in the woods making dens."
Bethan said Catrin's first love was animals and that pets would always overrun their home, with strays often coming to stay with them and Catrin making it her priority to look after them, Wales Online reports.
"Growing up, Catrin was the ideal child - she was so happy and pleasant, lovely and kind," Bethan said. "But when she hit puberty, her hormones kicked in and she struggled with her mental health.
“Our aunt died when Catrin was 14 and I was 17 in 2003. I think that really kickstarted Catrin’s depression and paranoia. She was convinced that people hated her and she would play over things in her head, which is so sad".
Catrin would later seek help through counselling and at the age of 24 was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. Although Catrin spent years struggling with her mental health, Bethan said her sister found joy through the things and people she loved the most: "Gwen and Effie, my children, were the apples of her eye. Catrin was a massive Star Wars, Marvel and Harry Potter fan.
“She would call herself 'Jedi Master Aunty Cat', and then my two little girls were 'Padawans' - Jedis in training. They didn’t really understand what that meant, but on all their birthday cards and so on she called them 'my little Padawans'.
They absolutely adored her - she was the cool, fun Aunty Cat. After animals, her next big love was music. She loved Indian rock music, she couldn’t play an instrument herself but she was a gig fanatic.
“Her house was full of merchandise, records, signed CDs, signed posters and all the gig t-shirts. She was a bit of a rock chick, she had a whole sleeve of tattoos, she had short hair, smokey eyes and really funky clothes and jewellery."
When the coronavirus pandemic hit in 2020, however, Bethan said that Catrin's mental health became increasingly worse. "Like a lot of people, she hadn’t been 100% since lockdown," Bethan explained.
"She didn’t have a partner, no children, she was on her own. Although she rented a house I owned, which was in Merthyr and wasn't too far away from us, she moved in with my parents at the start of lockdown because she didn’t want to live on her own.
“She was self-employed as a dog groomer, she could claim furlough but she lost a lot of money, she couldn’t book in anyone for four months. Then last year she had an operation because she had a large hip and spinal integration because of the effects of the dog grooming.
"She had four huge screws in her pelvis and she was off again but this time for three months. So again, she was worried about her finances. In the months of December and January that have just gone, she was applying for a second job, but didn't get them and so she had one or two knock-backs.
“My mam said that they had booked the Isle of Wight Festival for her and normally she would have an itinerary ready by now and all her clothes ready to go, but this time round she just didn't seem interested. She was starting to switch off but we don’t really know why."
Catrin ran her dog grooming business from her parents' house garage. On Monday, February 20, she didn't turn up to work and her mother Sian gave her a call. "I was away in Liverpool at the time," Bethan recalled. "My father was in work and my husband was in work. It was half term, so my mam was looking after my kids at her house.
“It was around 9.30am, Catrin hadn't turned up to work and she had a dog booked in that morning. My mam phoned her and asked where she was as she had a customer coming. Catrin was distraught and asked my mam if she could come down.
"My mam told her she couldn’t as she had Gwen and Effie with her, and encouraged her to come up instead. But Catrin said 'I can’t come up, I’ve done something'. And my mother said that she knew then - her stomach turned, she knew what she had done."
"The doctors couldn't work out why her liver wasn't responding to treatment," Bethan said. "By the Tuesday evening, they were going to send her to Birmingham’s Queen Elizabeth Hospital to be on a list for a liver transplant, but she was too ill to even go.
“By 7pm she was in ITU and she had a really bad night. Then, we were told at 5.30am the next morning that there was nothing that could be done. As my aunt had done the same 20 years ago, we knew the process of what was going to happen.
“The doctor, who was lovely, came to speak to us and told us that she was dying. Even now, I can't get the noise of those words out of my head. I remember my mam telling the doctor: 'Let her go peacefully, don't let her suffer'."
Bethan would spend the last remaining minutes of Catrin's life by her side. Recalling her last conversation with her younger sister, she said: "We were at the ITU one evening, it was just me and my dad while my mam had gone home as she hadn't been back for two days.
I was trying to get her to go to sleep as she was very restless. I was like Florence Nightingale, packing pillows under her legs, raising her arms up because she had drips, making sure that she was comfortable.
“I joked 'Come on, we can’t usually get you out of bed normally, you love your sleep. You’ve got to sleep now'. I was joking with her right until the end. She was saying 'I’m sorry' and I told her ‘Don’t be sorry, just get better.
“Nobody’s upset with you for doing this, we just want you to get better'. That was one of the last times I spoke to her."
She added: "When we knew she was going to die, I said that I wasn’t going to leave her, I didn’t want my sister to pass away on her own.
“So I stood by her bed, held her hand and hugged her. She had a teddy bear dog that she called Walkers because it was the colour of Walkers crisps, she got it when she was around the age of three.
“And she had him with her in hospital, my parents had taken it up for her while she was unwell. She cuddled him right until the end."
Catrin passed away on Wednesday morning, February 22 at the age of 34. Bethan says that she is "absolutely devastated" that her sister has gone. Catrin's funeral took place on Wednesday, with her bespoke coffin adorned with a purple nebula cover, which was her favourite colour.
Bethan said that the support the family has received in recent weeks has been heartwarming. She said: "We are quite a small family but our extended friends are in the hundreds. We’ve been comforted by everyone that’s supported us, the messages and flowers sent to us.
“The Facebook messages have been fantastic. I’ve been really busy, trying to stay strong for my girls - I don’t want to be crying in front of them. But I'm absolutely devastated that she's gone.
“We're all distraught. Around 200 people attended the funeral, I don't think she realised how many people would come or how many people cared and loved her. She has taught me to be a more selfless person, she was such a kind and loving person."
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