Hallelujah! I’ve discovered the secret to productivity. I’ve stopped responding to many of the emails I get.
Here’s why you should, too. Let’s focus on three types of emails that do not require your attention.
The Fundraiser
You get an email from Amy, someone you knew in high school. You weren’t particularly close, but you connected on LinkedIn several years ago for some reason. In her email, Amy explains that her grandson needs a kidney transplant to save his life, and she wants you to donate money to a crowdsourced campaign she started.
It would be honorable for you to donate to the campaign, but you have no ethical obligation to do so. Think of your relationships like this:
The further away someone is from the center of the graph (you), the weaker your obligation is to him or her. If we had an unlimited amount of time, energy and money to give to everyone and would experience no adverse consequences in doing so, we should so give. But our resources are finite.
If you get only a dozen emails a day and have plenty of time to respond to each one, feel free to write to Amy and explain why you’re not in a position to donate at this time. If, however, you’re like the rest of us and get over 100 emails a day, you have no obligation to answer Amy’s email at all.
Bottom Line
Ignore Amy’s email. Don’t feel guilty. Other emails rightly have a stronger demand on your attention. Answer those instead.
The Invitation
You get an email from Michael, whom you met at a reception last week. Michael apparently didn’t read my article, “Six Words You Should Never Say When You Network,” because he begins his missive with those very words: “I want to pick your brain.” Then comes the ask (more of a demand): “I want to take you out for coffee.” He offers nothing in return. He wants to take without giving.
Michael is not a neurosurgeon, so you know that it’s not a medical emergency. If you rarely receive coffee invitations from someone you barely know and want to spend an hour of your time being treated to a two-dollar beverage, go ahead and respond to Michael’s email.
If, however, you are inundated on a regular basis with requests for brain-picking opportunities, you have a right to ignore Michael’s entreaty. You could respond with a quick, “Thank you, but I’m afraid I’ll have to pass.” But that will probably lead to more requests down the line.
Bottom Line
You are ethically entitled to ignore Michael’s presumptuous email. You have other ethical obligations to fulfill, namely your job.
The Rant
Just because we can write blocks of text in an email doesn’t mean we should. Your colleague Renata didn’t get the memo. She sends you a long, rambling rant about how her boss gets on her nerves, her colleague doesn’t do her work, her direct report shows up late almost every day, her mother won’t stop complaining (!), and her girlfriend doesn’t like the birthday gift Renata spent a lot of money on.
And that’s just the first paragraph of an email that goes on and on and on.
You scan the rest of the Russian novel she has written and see a lone question at the end: “What do you think?”
Like many people, Renata is deeply absorbed in her own problems and doesn’t consider that a rant like this might be a distraction to the reader. It’s the kind of thing you reveal to your therapist, who is paid to listen to such things, not to your colleague or even friend.
You could take valuable time away from your responsibilities and respond in kind. You could write a brief note like “I’m sorry you’re under such duress. Let’s discuss on the phone this weekend or in person.” Or you could do what I do when I get a letter like this: ignore it.
Bottom Line
You are not a garbage can for your colleagues and friends to empty their problems into. Be compassionate whenever possible, but don’t feel obligated to fix every problem dumped into your lap.
The Takeaway
You cannot be all things to all people all of the time, or even some of the time. Be clear about what your true obligations are. Let them guide how you spend the precious few hours you have every day.
Great leaders spend their time wisely and do not feel obligated to respond to every single email they get.
