After becoming a single parent when she was five months pregnant and had a 15-month-old child Elizabeth Evans was threatened with homelessness, had to use foodbanks, and feared for her mental health and security. The 37-year-old said that when her marriage ended in 2018 she didn't realise how much stigma and shame still existed around poverty and being a single parent.
With one in three children living in poverty in Wales figures are even higher for children of single parents. The Joseph Rowntree Foundation Poverty in Wales Report 2020 found single parents have the highest in-work poverty rates of all households.
It hadn't been something Elizabeth, a former teaching assistant, had planned for. Nearly one in 10 parents are 'very likely' to need foodbanks with 88% saying their monthly food shop has increased in price over the past three months. You can read more about that here.
Read more: 'I got pregnant at 14 and had my daughter when I was 15 but still did my exams and went to uni'
Elizabeth said when she and her ex-husband married in 2016 and had a child quite quickly they agreed she would stop working and be a stay-at-home parent. But the plan, made with the best of intentions, fell apart when the couple broke up in 2018 when Elizabeth was pregnant with their second child.
She said when they divorced in 2019 she was unable to pay the rent or afford enough food, despite being on Universal Credit. Her health visitor and local church referred her to foodbanks. "I became a single parent when my daughter was 15 months [old] and I was also five months pregnant with my son. I didn’t leave myself much breathing space – I had them very close together," said Elizabeth.
"Leaving their dad wasn’t an easy decision of course. It was one that made us homeless and in debt. We found housing just one month before I gave birth to my son. We were in a rented property and when we broke up I could not afford the rent. The landlord evicted us and that meant that we went on the high priority list for housing. When you are faced with homelessness as a single parent it is very hard but legally the council has 56 days to house you somewhere."
Elizabeth was housed in a flat in Monmouthshire and lived on Universal Credit but that still left her in debt after all living costs. "There were many occasions when my children and I had help from the foodbank. I remember it felt like winning the lottery when I found a packet of custard creams in the box. I used foodbanks every so often for about four months at the worst time. Foodbanks give you three days of food and we did not ever go hungry.
"The foodbank was a welcoming and supporting environment to visit and sometimes I just sat down and had a chat and a cup of tea whilst waiting for food. Using a foodbank in my situation did feel like good support. I did take it in my stride but looking back it was soul-destroying and so upsetting trying to find the kids and myself some security."
The mother-of-two said it was tough giving birth as a single parent at Nevill Hall Hospital. She was in " complete emotional turmoil" but because her daughter was 10 days late her mother and aunt, who don't live nearby, were able to be with her.
Elizabeth said she has felt stigma when people assumed she must have a partner or husband because she has young children. "People don't always appreciate how hard being a single parent is. There is still shame and stigma about being a single parent. Because I had a baby and was pregnant people assumed I had a partner. It was really tough at times."
Another source of "stigma and shame" was her mental health diagnosis. Elizabeth was terrified at times that her mental health would deteriorate to such an extent her children might have to stay with other members of the family if she was hospitalised.
Elizabeth was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder as an adult – a condition she controls with medication but which can cause depressive highs and lows. "Social services were always a great support in making sure the kids could stay with me or family when we devised a crisis plan. My GP and health visitor have been really encouraging that I do a great job as a mum and I just need some help with medication from time to time. But it is not a failing reaching out for support – it is strength.
"Mental health is talked about a lot more now but there can still be a lot of shame around mental health. I was diagnosed as an adult. My condition means I can either feel manic or depressed and stress can put me at risk of psychosis but I take medication and my condition is controlled."
Looking back on the last four years Elizabeth is proud of what she has achieved despite how tough it has been. She said her children are happy and she is positive about the future although she knows there will be times when she feels isolated, lonely, and worried.
She said she wanted to share her story to give the millions of other single parents out there hope that things can get better and support is available. "Being a single parent can really challenge us physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and socially," she said.
"I realise there will always be highs and lows but being a single parent gets easier because you know you can do it. I am proud now I know the worth in what I have done."
Elizabeth is an ambassador for Single Parents Wellbeing. Anyone wanting help or advice on being a single parent can contact Single Parents Wellbeing here. Elizabeth writes a blog about her experiences which can be read here.
