When you first start dating someone—especially someone you really, really like—it can be easy to let certain things slip through.
But this netizen didn’t fail to notice her date’s bizarre behaviors that might indicate possible troubles in the future. She shared her story with fellow Mumsnet users, asking if his actions could potentially be early red flags, and quite a few of them gave their two cents about it. You can find the full story and the netizens’ reactions below.
When they first start dating someone, people might view their date and the relationship through rose-tinted glasses
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
This woman didn’t fail to notice her date’s behaviors that could be considered early red flags, though
Image credits: Camandona (not the actual image)
Image credits: yslxx
Whether positive or negative, a first impression can be deceitful
Sometimes there is no way to tell that someone’s true self is not actually as nice as they may seem; not until they decide to show their true colors, at least. That’s why first impressions might be deceitful. Though many people believe they are quite important when forming social relationships – according to a poll of 2000 adults, roughly a third of them say that first impressions matter a lot.
According to the aforementioned poll, people find a friendly smile to be the quickest way to form a good first impression, followed by showing good manners, maintaining eye contact, and being on time respectively. But it’s important to engage in such pleasantries instantly, as it is believed that it takes an average of 27 seconds to form a first impression (though according to the poll, a third of respondents do it in less than ten seconds).
The poll found that roughly 35% of respondents believe that it’s quite difficult for individuals to change their perceptions once they’ve been made. That’s why it might not be easy to notice early red flags when dating someone, if the first impression they made was good. Though the OP’s story shows that certain behaviors should not be ignored, even if someone seems nice, or comes across as a real gentleman, as it was in her case.
Image credits: pressfoto (not the actual image)
A first impression often colors the way we view a person later on
Talking about red flags and the role first impressions play regarding them, Dr. Lawrence Josephs, a professor of psychology at the Derner School of Psychology of Adelphi University, noted that upon starting to date someone, people try to make the best possible first impression in order to get a second date and develop a relationship. In a piece for Psychology Today, he explained that the first impression their dates make then colors the way they continue to perceive that person.
“Once we form a first impression of someone whom we are dating, something called ‘the confirmation bias’ kicks in. We selectively look for evidence of everything that confirms our first impressions,” Dr. Josephs pointed out. “We selectively ignore anything that challenges our first impression and calls it into question. That means we start to ignore the red flags. We start to make excuses for anything that doesn’t fit the idealized image of someone with whom we are beginning to fall in love.”
Be that as it may, sooner or later the red flags tend to come to light; and they can present themselves in all sorts of ways. A poll of US adults, aged 18 to 34, found that for women, the biggest red flags in a potential partner are identifying as a MAGA republican, followed by having no hobbies. For their male counterparts, the biggest red flag is a person identifying as a communist, followed also by having no hobbies.
In the OP’s case, it was physical touch rather than personal views that made her concerned. After reading about her date’s behavior, people in the comments told her not to walk away from the man and the relationship, but to run instead. The woman replied to some of the comments and provided an update on how the story developed.
Image credits: lookstudio (not the actual image)
The OP provided more details about the situation
Fellow netizens shared their thoughts in the comments, many thought the woman should run
After a while, the OP put up an update on how the story developed
People in the comments advised her to be firm
