Charlotte Southall knew she needed to confront her relationship with alcohol when she found herself pouring a glass of vodka one morning.
She had told herself she was not addicted because she did not drink on a daily basis, and used occasions such as parties, Christmas and New Year as reasons not to give up completely. But as she tipped the spirit into her glass that morning, ready to take a swig, she realised things had gone too far.
“Every time I drank it was like playing Russian roulette," said Charlotte, from Lytham, in Lancashire. "I didn’t know how or when it was going to end.
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"Though I knew I needed to stop, I always managed to convince myself that I wasn’t an alcoholic because I didn’t drink every day, so therefore I couldn’t have a problem. However, I remember one morning I found myself pouring a glass of vodka before it had even hit mid-day and I knew then things needed to change.”
The 35-year-old used alcohol as a confidence booster and said it always made her feel good about herself. She was also scared of losing her 'party girl' status, fearing people wouldn't see her as the same 'fun' person, Lancs Live reports.
But despite outward appearances, Charlotte was miserable. She explained: "Whenever I would drink, it almost always ended in negative consequences that had an impact on my relationships, and soon it began to affect all aspects of my life - it was making me mentally and physically unwell. I spent so much time burying myself beneath alcohol that I lost view of who I really was and I really didn’t like myself anymore.”
In the end, she knew something needed to change so sought help from Delamere. The residential retreat aims to help people with addiction, and it's a place Charlotte credits for 'giving her her life back'.
Charlotte believes that had she not found sobriety, it is unlikely that she would be a mother now - a prospect she cannot imagine.
The mum-of-one continued: "I think in the end I was just sick and tired of trying to control my drinking, I was tired of constantly trying to recover from my alcohol fuelled binges, I was tired of trying to defend myself for situations I couldn’t even remember as I’d blacked out and most of all I wanted to repair my relationships with myself and my family I wanted to make my mum proud again. I wanted to be me again.”
Despite wanting desperately to make a change though, Charlotte admits it wasn't always easy.
She added: "For me in the beginning I struggled with future events I used to think months ahead and be like “What will I do at Christmas if I can’t have a drink?” “What will I do at New Year?” I used to struggle a lot but when I changed my mindset to just taking things one day at a time it got much easier!"
"I think for me it’s hard because usually when you set out to do something there’s an end goal, a target to reach, something to achieve but with sobriety there isn’t and it’s just an ongoing thing that you have to work on daily constantly reminding yourself why you chose to start on this journey and remind yourself of the reasons why you don’t wanna go back. It can be quite overwhelming if you start thinking it’s forever and that’s why keeping it in the day is so important."
The environment and programs curated at Delamere, which is based in Cheshire, are designed to provide pioneering, inspiring, and effective treatment experiences to those suffering from alcohol addiction. Delamere brings together the latest and best therapeutic, somatic and healing practices delivered by some of the most experienced and revered professionals in the addiction sector.
Now, Charlotte says her life has changed for the better. She said: “When I first realised I needed to make a change, and made the decision to go to Delamere, I was scared. I honestly felt as though if I gave up drinking completely and gave up my party girl status I would have no friends and my life would be over. But that couldn’t have been further from the truth, giving up drinking has given me my life back and I am so proud of myself. Although I have lost some friendships as a result of my sobriety, I feel like it made me realise who my actual real friends are and those relationships I cherish and are now better than ever.
“I am now also a mum, and life could not be better. It has been the most challenging but exciting time of my life and I absolutely love it. It makes me feel as though I have a purpose, and who I am meant to be. I am so grateful that Delamere helped me find sobriety as if I hadn't, it would be unlikely I would be a mum today.”
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