Marrying into a new family often comes with certain challenges, as family relationships can be quite difficult to navigate.
For this redditor, it was her mother-in-law who made things difficult. Barely in touch before, the woman became way too intrusive after the OP got pregnant, which resulted in the mom-to-be having to make some tough decisions and asking if she was a jerk in the situation.
Family relationships can be difficult to navigate as it is, but sometimes even more so when it’s your partner’s family
Image credits: Febe Vanermen / Pexels (not the actual photo)
This pregnant woman couldn’t take her intrusive mother-in-law anymore
Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Early-Ant-2254
Image credits: Alex Green / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Some family relationships lack certain boundaries, which might lead to troublesome situations in life
Similarly to not being able to choose your parents, you can’t really choose your parents-in-law either (unless you look for a different partner, but the heart typically wants what it wants). However, whether you like them or not, chances are they might change over time, as did the MIL in the redditor’s story; unfortunately, the relationship between the mother-to-be and the mother-in-law didn’t change for the better.
It all seemingly took a turn when the OP got pregnant. Said to be quite distant before, the MIL became way more involved in her son’s—and by extension, his wife’s—life, resulting in him even changing jobs for her, all of which might resemble enmeshment more than a healthy parent-child relationship.
Unlike close but healthy family relationships, enmeshment entails lack of psychological and emotional boundaries, consequently leading to people invading the space of those of their kin or interfering in their lives too much.
According to PsychMechanics, mother-son enmeshment is rather a common combination when it comes to such a type of relationship. Describing a parent that tends to be overly and inappropriately reliant on their child, enmeshment between a mother and a son often involves the former competing with her child’s partner and seeking for him to prioritize his mother over his significant other.
Another characteristic typical to enmeshment is lack of assertiveness and putting others’ needs before your own; or, in the redditor’s husband’s case, putting his mother’s needs ahead of those of his soon-to-be growing family.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Difficult relationship between the wife and the mother-in-law seems to be a rather common scenario
Whether it’s enmeshment or other problems standing in the way of bonding with the in-laws, research suggests that having a rocky relationship with them is not an uncommon position to be in. A study published in 2022 found that “Both men and women reported having more conflict with their mothers-in-law than their mothers, and mothers indicated having more conflict with their daughters-in-law than their daughters.”
And while it seems that everyone can find themselves in disagreements with everyone, the relationship between a person’s wife and her mother-in-law tends to be especially intense. That’s because, according to the study, “mothers- and daughters-in-law do not choose to have relationships with one another since their relationship is a byproduct of their unique relationships with the mother-in-law’s son/daughter-in-law’s husband.”
As a matter of fact, the relationship between one’s wife and their mother are often so strained, the former would rather stay at home and clean than go visit her MIL. Surveys suggest that just over half of married women would opt for cleaning, while others would rather visit the gynecologist, do jury duty or their taxes, or suffer a dentist’s drill.
The lengths to which the OP would go to avoid spending time with her MIL are unclear, but by changing his job, her husband made such a scenario even less likely to happen, as after sleeping on it, the redditor told him that she couldn’t get on board with his decision.
Fellow redditors shared their thoughts in the comments, the OP replied to some of them, providing more details
