An alcoholic who started drinking at the age of 12 has opened up about the struggle of addiction and wants to help others overcome it.
Zosia Remvowski, 54, would often go into her school in Blackpool drunk. She left the school on the week of her 13th birthday and had begun to learn how to hide her addiction from those around her.
"I'd already sussed that if you carry mouthwash around with you - but that was quite expensive, so it'd be chewing gum, it'd be anything to take the smell away," Zosia told LancsLive. "Back then in school, it was nothing like it is now, so nothing was really followed up with.
Try MEN Premium for FREE by clicking here for no ads, fun puzzles and brilliant new features.
"I went a couple of times in the following years, just to hand notes in. Notes that I'd written from my mum to keep everything quiet."
Throughout her young teenage years, Zosia worked in order to fuel her addiction by helping out at a fish and chip shop. She was unable to control her drinking and would buy spirits or strong lager which she would drink as quickly as possible to get drunk as quickly as possible.
She said: "At that time, you would just go around different place. Some shopkeepers were alright with selling it to you as long as it was empty. Other times, you could just wait on the corner of the street near the shop and get people to get you it, or buy something for them to get them to buy it for you. It was quite rife."
She referred to alcohol as one of her "first love affairs" and would use it to escape from her reality and emotions. The mum-of-three said: "It gave me a feeling of confidence - a false confidence that I didn't feel I had."
Join our WhatsApp Top Stories and Breaking News group by clicking this link
She added: "It becomes an obsession. Once you've already put the first one in, or once you've relapsed with that first drink, or you're dependant on it, everything and anything becomes about that - getting that first drink."
Zosia would often attempt to avoid her mother and go to bed as soon as she got home in order to hide her addiction from her family. When she eventually did get caught by her mum, she got in "quite a bit of trouble" so she resorted to sneaking the booze into her room instead.
Another result of her alcoholism saw her children end up living with her mother. "I wouldn't have allowed myself to have kids either, but I'm really lucky they didn't go into the system," Zosia said.
"So, because sometimes I would have a little bit too much, or sometimes I wouldn't have the money to get what I needed to take the withdrawals away, I would just not go. I would just not go and visit them for months on end.
"That's a massive regret and I would do anything to turn the clock back. Two of my children still haven't forgiven me, they can't forgive me for not being present. When I was there and did turn up, I was only physically there, I wasn't mentally there. These days, I'm really lucky to have the most amazing relationship with my youngest daughter and my son-in-law and my granddaughter.
"I always say, 'you can't give up hope' and I can't give up hope, as a mum, with the other two. I will never sort it out, just because I want it, doesn't mean to say it's the right time for them, I just have to wait until they're ready and accept that they might never want a relationship. I've had kidnapping, I've been held hostage, I've never been killed, but in comparison, that doesn't compare to how I was as a mum, or how I wasn't as a mum."
In 2014, Zosia was seriously assaulted while walking to the garage during the early hours of the morning - from this point on, she decided to change things for the better. "That whole experience and the court case after it in 2015, had me thinking, normal people don't do this.
"Normal people wouldn't be on the street at that time. They wouldn't put themselves in that position to have something like that happen and I thought, I've got to change my life.
"I've got to absolutely change my life and that started me on the road to recovery." Zosia got into a rehabilitation facility and used all of her determination to battle her addiction.
Now, she is part of the Hidden in Plain Sight campaign, led by Change Grow Live, known locally as Inspire. She added: "Being an addict, you're not going to look for work. Your time is all put into finding either drugs or drink, or finding the money to get them."
She wants to raise awareness of alcohol addictions and says people aged between 18 and 30 are often underrepresented and unable to see the signs of addiction. The Hidden in Plain Sight campaign focuses on this, shining a light on people who may be drinking to harmful levels that are not seeking support.
