A husband has sparked a debate after he refused to leave his wife’s baby shower despite her insistence that it was a “women-only” event.
In a recent post on the popular “Am I The A**hole?” Reddit forum, Reddit user u/Super-PizzaCat asked if he was wrong to stay at his partner’s baby shower, despite the fact that she had told him that he shouldn’t be there.
He noted that when he and his wife were planning the shower, he had “initially intended to invite [his] entire family”. However, he said his wife later told him that the party was “female-only,” so he had to make adjustments to the guest list.
“In my family, I have attended baby showers for all my female relatives, so it felt like this was a cultural difference,” he explained. “Unfortunately, this meant I had to embarrassingly uninvite people after already sending out invitations.”
He noted that he didn’t “make a big deal” about the invitations, since it was his wife’s “special day”. However, he explained that when he learned that he wasn’t invited to the shower, due to his wife’s “no men rule”, he was “upset”.
“I thought she was joking, but she was serious, explaining that it’s customary in her family to have a ladies-only baby shower,” he wrote. “At this point, I became upset. In a baby shower that I was paying for and planning, I was being excluded from my own wife’s event in my own home. I found it absurd.”
The Reddit user also claimed that the party lasted for “10 hours” and that his wife “expected” him to leave his own home for the entire time.
He then recalled that, before the party, he and his partner “argued back and forth” about the situation, with the man claiming his wife’s sister had stepped in and sided with his partner.
“It just seemed ridiculous to me that as her husband, I was not allowed to attend my own wife’s baby shower,” he continued. “Her sister overheard our argument and supported my wife’s stance, saying that men are typically not invited to baby showers and that my presence would ruin the atmosphere and ‘vibe.’”
He explained that, while this “disagreement occurred three weeks before the actual baby shower,” he “tried reasoning” with his wife the day before the party. However, he noted that she “still refused” to let him stay at the event. The soon-to-be parent also shared how his family contacted him about the disagreement.
“She also told some of her family members about our argument, because I got an angry text from her mother telling me to just listen to what she says, since the baby shower is for her not me and that she can decide whoever attends or doesn’t,” he wrote.
AITA for refusing to not attend my wife's baby shower?
by u/Super-PizzaCat in AmItheAsshole
Despite his wife’s wishes, the Reddit user said that he “still refused” to leave his home during the party.
“I’m literally paying for the event,” he added. “I managed to compromise by just chilling in the backyard. Where everyone else was inside. My wife still wasn’t happy about it though.”
As of 14 June, the Reddit post has more than 6,500 upvotes and 3,300 comments, with many claiming the father should have been welcomed to the baby shower.
“You guys should have been able to compromise and not have it turn into a huge fight ,” one person wrote. “The not-involving-the-dad-in-pregnancy-things nowadays is so stupid. The fact that you want to be so involved should be cherished, not punished.”
“The baby shower revolves around the baby, not the mom-to-be. In this century, dads are equal parents,” another person suggested. “I don’t think you should have uninvited anyone, though. You could have split the baby (so to speak) and had yourself a man shower in the backyard.”
Other people shared their concerns about the husband paying for a shower that he wasn’t invited to.
“I’ve never seen that before,” one person wrote. “In my experience, baby/bridal showers are given by close friends as part of the gift. Having the new mom/bride plan and pay for the shower is ridiculous [in my opinion]. She’s got enough going on already. I’m from Texas so maybe it’s a southern thing.”
However, multiple people argued that the husband should have left the party when asked by his wife, with many claiming that neither he or his wife handled the situation properly.
“You both should work on communicating better with each other” one Reddit user said. “You displayed [a**hole] behaviour when you made the event about you and how you paid for everything. Your camping out in the yard is less of a compromise, but more of a last stand.”
“You didn’t have to fight for three plus weeks about it,” someone else wrote.“You could have organised a girls-only party with her side, and a separate mixed party with your side. You could have had a small gathering at the same time as the shower with male relatives and friends, asking everyone to bring some diapers. You could have made your own plans for the day of the shower, doing something that you enjoy but isn’t your wife’s cup of tea.”
