What we do for a living is a big part of our identity. Luckily for Reddit user Similie5, when she found a new part-time job (after spending the prior 12 years as a stay-at-home mom), she really enjoyed it.
However, the woman’s husband had been growing increasingly dissatisfied with it. So much so that eventually he even issued an ultimatum to her: either quit or the marriage is over. She pushed back, but he wouldn’t drop it, which led the woman to post her story on the internet and ask strangers to help her decide what to do next.
This woman had been having all sorts of conflicts with her husband
Image credits: Luciana Studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
But when he demanded she quit her job, she began to question whether she could continue to sacrifice her happiness for the sake of the marriage
Image credits: stockmaker / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Soon after she published her story, the woman added a few details to clarify it
Image credits: similie5
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Although this case is quite extreme, financial disagreements are common among modern couples
Georgina Sturmer (BACP), a counselor based in the UK, says, “Our approach to finances is often shaped by our upbringing and personal history, in the same way that our approach to relationships is shaped by these factors. If we have conflicting approaches to financial management, it can lead to anxiety, frustration, resentment, anger, mistrust, and fear.”
For couples, having conversations about these things can be especially important when (rigid) gender roles come into play, for example, if a man has been socialized to believe that he must be the sole breadwinner, or if one of them comes from a culture where sending money to your family is expected if you are in the position to do so.
Sturmer says that the new norms of the modern workplace also have a part to play when people are talking about financial expectations and gender roles.
“Modern life feels quite different now. Dual income families, freelancing, zero-hours contracts, credit cards, disposable spending, consumer culture. I would imagine that this means that there is more scope for conflict over spending decisions, as our roles and incomes are constantly shifting.”
It’s probably why some studies suggest that as many as 64% of couples are “financially incompatible” with their partners, with different philosophies about spending, saving, and investing their money.
Furthermore, 1 in 5 couples identifies money as their greatest relationship challenge. Judging from the post (and the fact that they are already in therapy but still cannot settle their differences), these two seem to be becoming that statistic as well.
People have had a lot to say about what happened between the two of them
