Elizabeth, 36, and Jonathan, 38, have been married for 13 years and have an 8-year-old daughter. As a parent, you'd naturally want to offer your children the best you can, but that doesn't mean you can keep funding Christmas celebrations or other purchases with money you don't have. Elizabeth often uses buy-now-pay-later apps for household expenses and recently gifted her daughter a $500 toy despite knowing she can't afford it. They earn much more than when they got married but still live in their starter house, which they bought a decade ago, with renovations left halfway through. The couple spends too much money, is in serious debt loops, and is clueless about how to bring about positive financial change.
They have tried following financial programs from Dave Ramsey and other personal finance experts, but nothing has worked. However, their commitment to getting out of the situation led them to Netflix's "How To Get Rich" host Rami Sethi. The multi-millionaire author was able to bring out deep-rooted issues impacting the couple in a recent interview and helped them acknowledge and feel motivated to change long-standing poor financial habits.
Elizabeth Commands Household Expenses Despite Long History Of Impulsive Spending
The couple married young and poor, with dreams of making it in life after growing up in chaotic, debt-ridden households. However, life had different plans, and they remained in the same situation they started with. Jonathan, a maintenance expert, used to pay all the bills earlier because of his relatively better spending control. Later, they began to split the bills when their spending tendencies changed rapidly. Poor communication skills and Jonathan's disengagement from money for years led to that plan failing when Elizabeth proposed and decided to take over the responsibility of all bill payments. Little did Jonathan know that his wife's impulsive spending tendencies would land them in bigger debt despite rising income.
Jonathan remembers growing up in a household where his parents would say no to things they couldn't afford. He constantly questions Elizabeth about her purchases only to hear the phrase: "I'll make it work." What she said next surprised Sethi. Elizabeth confessed to doing that by borrowing money without any repayment strategy. "Whatever I can pay with what money I have, I pay, and if I don't have the money, I borrow," she added.
Jonathan highlighted that Elizabeth is really into clothes because of the few options she had in her childhood. She would even buy the stock up for clearance, which racks up debt much faster than she realises. He believes that's her pitfall. Today, Jonathan doesn't allow his wife to go grocery shopping alone because she supposedly likes "the rush of finding a good deal" and thinks of products the family could use but don't need. These repetitive incidents have cost Elizabeth her husband's trust. When Sethi asked her if she was behaving like a child and if she could change it, Elizabeth's words revealed that the problem was much bigger than he thought.
Growing Up In A Suffocating Household
Elizabeth grew up in a conservative Christian family, where she rebelled against the way of life, constantly pushing back and being grounded, which always made her feel she had no control. When Sethi asked if she remembered how her parents treated money, she shared that they never really talked about it, but things were tough. Her mom had a minimum-wage job while her dad was still in college. Although he found a job and household finances improved for a while, a sudden layoff brought about the most challenging two years for the family. The situation became so bad that the whole family moved to grandma's for weeks and even relied on food banks as the authorities often turned off their lights and utilities. Life moved in similar cycles, and then she got into college to get stuck in poor financial decisions she had witnessed all her life. Her first financial pitfall was applying for a credit card in college and immediately losing control over spending. Sadly, she had to drop out three years later due to a lack of adequate financial aid, and she wanted to avoid racking up further student debt, which was already $50,000. Sethi identified a classic sign among people who grew up poor: the idea of eating or spending when you can, thinking that you don't know if you can do it tomorrow. Elizabeth has carried this with her since childhood. Her mentality of "hurry up and get what you can now" has worsened her financial situation, significantly damaging their marriage and somewhat blurred their future goals.
Relying On Jonathan's Parents
Sethi continued investigating their lives and found that Jonathan's parents often helped them with truck payments and bills and offered free meat from their farm. Despite that, the couple has no savings and is neck-deep in debt. Jonathan grew up with four siblings on a farm in Indiana. He started working at their farm from an early age, as it was the only job he was allowed to do. He recalled his dad being a workhorse who would work over 12 hours daily on the farm and get Jonathan to help on the side. However, the family barely managed monthly household expenses with tons of debt. On top of that, they also never discussed money. His mom returned to work as a medical transcriptionist to put her kids through school. Together with his dad, they even paid off Jonathan's $25,000 student debt. Sethi also understood that Jonathan's parents are ready to help the struggling couple whenever required, which could be creating a comfort zone for Elizabeth. However, she refuted the idea and discussed her hard work to climb the corporate ladder.
Self-Sabotaging Progress
Sethi helped Elizabeth acknowledge a crucial aspect of her life. She admitted that even when things go right, she tends to self-sabotage that progress. Why? She still hasn't figured it out but confessed that she consistently fights the feeling that she might have got comfortable stuck in the never-ending cycle of savings and debt. Sethi empathised that when a person grows up in a chaotic household, expecting chaos like a "familiar sweatshirt," making progress could feel weird or uncomfortable. How do they deal with it? He says self-sabotage. These people have experienced a lifetime of chaos and often view money as a scarcity. So, when they finally see money in their account, they quickly spend it. Overall, Sethi didn't lose hope, knowing that Elizabeth consulted a therapist while seeking professional financial advice to help her change her habits and offset the lost money, time, and trust.
