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Kelly Rissman
US News Reporter
A father-of-two who returned home to find his 31-year-old wife had died in her sleep hopes to raise awareness of the rare condition which took her life without any warning.
Dale Lockwood, 33, from Birstall in West Yorkshire, returned home from work as a deputy headteacher to find his childhood sweetheart Ruby lifeless in their bed.
Though she was found with her eyes open, it appeared Ruby had come home to sleep following her late shift as a detective for West Yorkshire Police and Dale’s panicked efforts to resuscitate her were futile.
The cause of Ruby’s death on October 10 2023 was inconclusive following a post-mortem examination and the family had to hold her funeral and cremate her without knowing how she died.
After further sample testing, Dale was eventually informed on August 6 by the cardiogenetic team at Leeds General Infirmary that she had a rare genetic heart condition called sudden arrhythmic death syndrome (Sads), a sudden unexpected death caused by cardiac arrest.
As the condition is hereditary, Dale now faces the fear their children – four-year-old Arthur and one-year-old Winifred – could carry the gene.
Despite being trained to speak to children about bereavement, Dale said telling Arthur “mummy had died” is the hardest thing he has ever had to do.
He has been supported by the British Heart Foundation (BHF) in his search for answers and has in turn raised more than £17,000 for the charity, taking on the AJ Bell Great North Run in Newcastle – a half marathon Ruby completed in 2015 – on Sunday to raise money for the cause.
“It’s horrendous and it wasn’t expected – Ruby wasn’t poorly, she had no symptoms, it was a total, utter shock out of the blue to the point where you still can’t believe it,” Dale told PA Real Life.
“As well as losing your wife, the love of your life and the mother of your children, there’s also the worry that it could happen to your children.”
Sads, a genetic condition where someone dies suddenly and unexpectedly from a cardiac arrest with no clear cause, affects around 500 people in the UK every year, according to the BHF – and Dale hopes to raise awareness of it and prompt more routine testing and screenings to catch underlying issues.
“I’m trying to make what happened to Ruby count, I’m trying to make it worth something,” Dale said.
“It’s about getting a stronger message out there to ultimately stop it from happening to anyone else – I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.”
Dale and Ruby met when they were 17 working behind the bar of their local Irish club, with Dale saying “things happened quite naturally” and they “never looked back” as they started their relationship.
They were married in 2019 and welcomed their two children Arthur and Winifred in 2020 and 2022.
“Everybody liked Ruby, she just had such a strong personality and persona, she would light up a room,” Dale said.
“She was a really vivacious character and just so full of life, she was fantastic at her job and she was an amazing mum and wife.”
On the day of her death, Dale said Ruby returned home from work at around 5am and he joined her in their kitchen for “a catch up, a chat and a laugh” before the pair went about their day.
Dale said his wife’s last words to him as he left for work were: “Love you, daddy.”
Ruby dropped their children off at nursery and returned home to sleep.
Dale said he always used to do two things before he left work, which included calling Ruby to say he was on his way home and picking up their children.
“That day I got in the car, I didn’t ring Ruby and I didn’t go get the kids – I drove straight home,” he said.
“I can’t honestly say why I did that, I didn’t feel anything was wrong at the time.
“When I came up the stairs, the bedroom door was open and I could see Ruby on the bed and that’s when I thought something wasn’t right.
“Her eyes were open and (she) was just half under the covers.”
Dale tried to resuscitate Ruby, saying “panic” and “adrenaline” kicked in – but he realised “fairly instantaneously” there was nothing he could do.
He called the emergency services, asked his father to collect their children from nursery and stayed with a neighbour for around six hours while officers examined the scene.
He knew, thanks to Ruby’s line of work as a police detective, that her unexplained death would “trigger an investigation”.
“I knew that was going to involve me because obviously, husband, person to find her, probably the last person to see her apart from the kids,” he said.
“I never felt like a suspect at all, I was treated very, very well.”
Dale said “the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life” was telling his son, who was just over three years old at the time, about Ruby’s death.
“Because of my job, I’m actually trained in how to speak to children around bereavement – you just never expect to do it with your own children,” he said.
“You’ve just got to be really factual, using the term ‘died’, so ‘mummy has died’…as brutal as it sounds you’ve just got to be open and direct.
“Not comparing it to finding Rubes, because that was horrendous but the shock kicked in then, telling Arthur was just raw emotion and he just sobbed.
“Of all the things I’ve ever done, that will always be the hardest.”
Dale said Ruby’s post-mortem examination initially came back “inconclusive” as a physical reason for her cause of death could not be found.
Samples were sent off for further testing and the family arranged Ruby’s funeral and cremation, with Dale saying he was “tortured” by not having any answers.
“I was tortured with thinking ‘could I have done anything’ or ‘could I have saved her’ but not knowing what it is, you don’t have the answers to that,” he said.
Seven weeks later, Dale said he was initially informed Ruby had died from a high hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, a genetic condition which causes the heart muscles to thicken, making it harder to pump blood.
Dale pushed for more information, saying it was “crucial” he had done so as he was informed only a few weeks ago on August 6 that the cause of Ruby’s death was more likely attributed to Sads following further testing on the samples taken from her post-mortem.
“Some signal within Ruby’s system wasn’t working correctly and just stopped that day,” Dale said, adding there is a 50% chance his children will have the condition.
The family will be waiting for around eight months for further genetic testing to see if a “faulty gene” can be found in Ruby’s samples, which would then allow their children to be checked.
Dale and his loved ones have raised over £17,000 for the BHF by taking on several marathons and challenges throughout the year, with Dale tackling the AJ Bell Great North Run in Newcastle on Sunday.
“Crossing the finish line, it was that jubilation to get across and as soon as I stopped for five minutes and the adrenaline stopped, that’s when it hit me what I had done it for,” Dale said.
“I had various things for Ruby on me…I actually cut up Ruby’s running vest from 2015 and tied it around my wrist for some inspiration.”
He added: “Ruby spent her life, a work career, helping people and she was totally selfless.
“If by sharing things and raising money makes a difference to one person or one family, that’s enough.”
You can find Dale’s JustGiving page here.
