A spouse is supposed to be the person we trust most in the world. That’s why it’s so jarring to find out that your partner possibly has been lying to you and refuses to admit what they’ve done. One woman had to find out about her husband’s possible infidelity in a very roundabout way.
First, she confronted him about leaving their small children alone while she was out working. When he kept deflecting and wouldn’t give her a straight answer, she went looking for evidence. And what she found wasn’t pretty: it broke her trust in him, perhaps forever, and made her question their seven-year-long marriage.
To know more about why spouses gaslight their partners and whether there’s any chance of reconciliation after an affair, Bored Panda reached out to Idit Sharoni, LMFT. Idit Sharoni is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, affair recovery expert, and the owner of Relationship Experts, a private practice based in Miami, Florida.
With over 15 years of experience, she has helped countless couples navigate the aftermath of infidelity, rebuild trust, and create stronger relationships. Idit is the creator of the It’s Okay to Stay infidelity recovery program and host of the Relationships Uncomplicated podcast, where she shares expert insights on healing after betrayal.
Her work has helped thousands of couples move from crisis to connection, and she kindly agreed to lend her expertise to us. Read her expert insights about this story below!
More info: Relationship Experts | It’s Okay to Stay® | Podcast Relationships Uncomplicated | YouTube | Instagram
One family’s happiness was shattered when the wife started to suspect her husband was cheating
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The story began when the wife found out that the husband left their 5-year-old and 9-month-old alone at home
Image credits: semenay erdoğan / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Meg Aghamyan / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Suitable-Mission7422
Affair recovery expert Idit Sharoni says that gaslighting adds yet another painful layer to betrayal
Image credits: Valeriia Miller / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Idit Sharoni, LMFT, tells Bored Panda that many cheaters gaslight their partners. “But it’s not always intentional or long-lasting,” she adds. “In my 15 years as a couples therapist and affair recovery expert, I’ve seen many cases where an unfaithful partner’s first reaction is to deny, deflect, or downplay the situation.”
“Sometimes, it’s a knee-jerk response to getting caught. Other times, it becomes an ongoing pattern of deception that erodes trust even further. Gaslighting, at its core, is denying reality in the face of clear evidence,” the affair recovery expert explains. This might include insisting that the affair never happened, even when the spouse has evidence.
“Over time, continuous gaslighting has a crazy-making effect,” Idit Sharoni says. “It can make the hurt partner doubt their own perceptions, memory, and even sanity. This level of psychological manipulation can leave deep emotional wounds, making healing and rebuilding trust even more difficult.”
“While not every unfaithful partner engages in long-term gaslighting, when it does persist, it adds another painful layer to the betrayal—one that requires careful, intentional work to undo,” the affair recovery expert notes.
If the cheating spouse refuses to admit guilt, the road to healing may be long and difficult
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The wife in this story is set on getting a confession out of her husband. Without it, she probably wouldn’t get closure. Idit Sharoni explains that without closure, moving forward is nearly impossible. “[It] can feel like trying to build a house on shaky ground,” she says.
“In my roadmap to healing from infidelity, the first crucial step is what I call a Proper Ending—which means fully and completely closing the door on the affair (or any other form of betrayal, like paid sex or excessive porn use).”
“But here’s the key: stopping isn’t enough. If there was an affair, that means there was a relationship, and simply ‘demoting’ it to a friendship isn’t real closure. True closure means cutting ties on all levels so that the betrayed partner can begin to rebuild trust,” Sharoni emphasizes. “Once a Proper Ending is in place, healing can truly begin.”
When the partner who’s been cheating doesn’t admit their guilt, it’s much harder to reach reconciliation. “Research shows that genuine forgiveness is most achievable when the unfaithful partner expresses real remorse, takes responsibility, and openly acknowledges the harm they’ve caused,” Sharoni says.
“That’s why, in our It’s Okay to Stay program, we guide couples through this process early on—it sets the foundation for real healing. At the end of the day, while every couple’s journey is unique, one thing is clear: closure, remorse, and accountability make the path forward much smoother,” she explains.
Many people in the comments guessed that it was an affair even before the update
A few days later, the wife accessed the doorbell camera footage from her neighbor and saw another woman arriving at their house
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: James Yarema / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Chris J. Davis / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Daniel Martinez / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Suitable-Mission7422
Mom Realizes Husband’s Lies Run Deep After Their Child Accidentally Exposes His Secret Absence Bored Panda
