A healthy relationship is all about making compromises. You won’t get to decide what’s for dinner every single night, and you’ll have to suffer through some movies that bore you just because your partner adores them. But these small sacrifices are 100% worth it to be with the person you love.
It can become a problem, however, when only one person in the relationship is compromising. One mother recently reached out to Mumsnet seeking advice after her husband began pressuring her to be his chauffeur to and from work each day. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as some of the replies invested readers shared.
It’s normal for spouses to make small sacrifices for one another to benefit the entire family
But when this woman’s husband insisted that she become his chauffeur, she refused to get on board
A healthy marriage requires both spouses to make compromises
Unless you grew up as an only child in an extremely wealthy family, there’s no way you got everything you wanted as a kid. Compromising is a part of life, and it’s particularly important in a marriage. “In a relationship, compromise is an invitation to collaborate with your partner while solving problems,” Claudia de Llano, LMFT, told Verywell Mind.
Being able to solve problems by compromising with your partner is a pillar of a healthy relationship, as it shows that you’re both able to work together and respect one another even when you don’t see eye to eye.
This requires validating your partner’s feelings and understanding where they’re coming from, while being able to calmly explain your perspective as well. It’s important for individuals to understand that their needs can’t always come first when they’re part of a couple.
Some examples of compromises spouses often have to make include planning dates that appeal to both of them, expressing their partner’s love language, dividing up household chores, spending time doing activities the other enjoys, splitting up where they spend the holidays and deciding how to raise their children.
To get comfortable with making compromises, de Llano told Verywell Mind that couples should have respectful discussions, acknowledge one another’s feelings and be willing to give and take. Both spouses should search for solutions together, and they should make compromises out of love, not as a punishment or sacrifice.
If your partner agrees to something that you know they’re compromising on for you, appreciate the gesture and be mindful of it. And if you can’t manage to find a solution you both agree on, resist the urge to react emotionally.
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Partners should always respect one another’s boundaries
But it’s also important to know when you should and shouldn’t compromise. If you don’t agree that what your partner is asking for is fair, you shouldn’t feel pressured to give in. And if you’re always the one abandoning what you want to satisfy your partner, that’s not a very healthy or balanced relationship.
If you find yourself in a situation where your partner is violating your boundaries or forcing you to compromise your core values, you should not give in. It seems like that’s where the woman in this story has found herself.
While she may not be technically working at the time, maternity leave can still be incredibly busy and stressful. With a five-month-old, she’s likely not getting enough sleep at night and barely taking any breaks throughout the day. She also has two other children that she needs to get to and from school each day and mentioned that she’s in charge of making dinner.
This mother is already balancing so much, when it sounds like her husband’s sole responsibility is going to work. It might be time for her to enforce her boundaries and ensure that her husband actually respects them.
According to HelpGuide, enforcing boundaries with loved ones often requires restating what you need and having clear and logical consequences for when they’re crossed. It’s important that a person only threatens consequences that they’re really willing to follow through with, though. If your partner realizes that you’re all talk, they might start taking advantage of you even more.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman is being fair by refusing to drive her husband to and from work? Then, you can find another Bored Panda article discussing similar relationship issues right here.
Readers were quick to provide suggestions on how to resolve this issue
Some even had similar stories of their own to share
Many agreed that the husband was extremely selfish for demanding a ride
