It must be contagious. Just when you thought Westminster might have the monopoly on incompetence and chaos, along comes Humza Yousaf, Scotland’s first minister, saying: “Hold my Diet Coke.” Anything the Tories can do south of the border, the Scottish National party can manage north of it. We are in a new political era where the life span of politicians is measured in units of Liz Truss. Or lettuces. So Yousaf reaching seven and half Trusses – or approximately 54 lettuces. Which, all things considered, is fairly respectable. If a lot less than he had hoped.
Last Thursday, Yousaf had consciously uncoupled from the Scottish Green party. “You’re dumped,” he had announced, looking rather pleased with himself. It had been meant to be a power play. To ditch the Greens before they ditched him. A show of strength that the SNP could survive as a minority government without their coalition partner.
Only it turned out they couldn’t. The Tories tabled a vote of no confidence in Yousaf. Labour tabled a vote of no confidence in the SNP government. The Greens, horrified to find they were the dumpees rather than the dumpers, declared that they would be backing the Tory motion. It was like watching a row of dominos collapse. The SNP leader had forgotten the first rule of politics. How to count. His political survival was balancing on a knife-edge.
Come Monday morning, Yousaf had decided the game was up. Reports of his resignation were circulating long before the announcement he would be giving a press conference at Bute House, the first minister’s official residence, at noon. So what followed was more of a formality than a big reveal. Short and not so sweet.
Yousaf walked in, trying not to catch the eye of the reporters in the audience, and placed his speech on the lectern in front of him. Last week he had ended the Bute House agreement, he began. It had been the right thing to do. Really? Really? You still think that? Even though you’re now having to quit.
It had also been the right thing for the country, he went on. He had hoped to continue working informally with the Greens but he had failed to understand the extent of their hurt. To put it mildly. I mean, how could he have failed to see that the Greens would react badly to being dismissed in such a callous way? The only person not to see how this was all going to play out was Yousaf himself. The ingenu’s ingenu.
Even so, there had been a way through all of this, he said. He was referring to a deal with Alex Salmond’s party, Alba, and their one MSP, Ash Regan, that could have kept him in a job for a while longer. But to do so would have gone against his principles.
Hmm. Salmond had said Yousaf was still trying to hammer out a working arrangement with Alba that very morning but had been prevented from doing so by the SNP old guard who would rather die than be in debt to Salmond. Take your pick of the truth from two not entirely reliable witnesses. So we were where we were. Yousaf would be standing down as and when the SNP had a replacement whom the Scottish parliament would endorse.
We then got the panegyric both to Scotland and himself. It had been the privilege of his life to have served as first minister. Growing up, he never got to see people who looked like him in positions of power. A fair point. He chose not to dwell on the recent troubles of the SNP – the fighting over the motorhome could come later – but instead talked up the positives. He was proud of his record on child poverty and Gaza. And he was certain Scotland was only a hair’s breadth away from independence. That sounded more like wishful thinking.
In his time in office, he had got to see the best of Scotland. He wished everyone could spend a day in the job. At the current rate of attrition, that might just happen. He bore no ill-will to any of his political opponents. Well, not a lot. And he concluded with a tearful thank you to his wife and children for all they had done for him. “My time is up,” he said and he left without taking any questions.
His leaving became him. Yousaf may not have been the most able of politicians: the SNP wasn’t in the best of shapes when he took over as leader and he did a difficult job not particularly well. But at least his departure had a certain dignity and accountability to it. That sets him well apart from any of the political resignations we’ve seen in Westminster recently.
Take Boris Johnson. A leader who still can’t believe he was ultimately rejected by both his party and the country for lying to them. Boris always believed his dishonesty was priced into his tenure. That an exception should be made for him. He left the stage kicking and screaming that he had done nothing wrong. Despite the photographic evidence of parties and the imposition of police fines. Reality was never Johnson’s strongest suit.
Then there was Liz Truss. The idiot claiming to be an idiot savant. Wholly unrepentant for crashing the economy or for trebling people’s mortgage payments. She too has never engaged in a moment’s self-reflection. Or taken any responsibility. Rather she has allowed herself to believe that the only thing that went wrong was that she was removed too soon. The answer to the pensions crisis was even more Liz Truss. A sort of inverse form of homeopathy.
And Rishi Sunak is shaping up to be a worthy successor to his two predecessors. He now gets tetchy if asked about anything except his own brilliance. People should just stop asking him when the election will be held. The riff-raff have no right to know. They should just wait and gaze in wonder. And be grateful. Especially grateful. Basically he has done us all a favour by taking a massive pay cut to become prime minister. We are not worthy.
And what of the Disappearing Rish!? He has now taken to avoiding any unwelcome questions and criticism. His PM Disconnect events used to open access. An opportunity for us all to see him engage with an audience. Now the TV cameras are no longer welcome.
So we miss the opportunity to watch him skip down the populist rabbit-hole. First with Rwanda, both a safe country and a deterrent. Now with punishing the mentally ill by cutting off their benefits. So good to have a prime minister who thinks depression is a lifestyle choice. Just pull yourself together.
Give it a few weeks and Yousaf might think he has dodged a bullet.
