When Mary got pregnant with her second child in lockdown, she was keen to connect with other mums in the same situation. “We moved from London to Pocklington in Yorkshire in 2020 and went straight into lockdown,” she says. “It made the culture shock even worse because I couldn’t easily get out to meet people.” In 2021, with most mother and baby groups still closed, she joined Peanut, an app for mothers to make friends.
After a few false starts, she connected with Naomi, a patient advocacy director who had also moved to Yorkshire from London with her partner and little boy. Naomi had become pregnant with her second child not long after the move, and joined the app hoping to meet like-minded people. “We exchanged a few messages and clicked immediately,” she says. “We realised we had lived just streets away from each other in London and our children were born days apart.”
“We had lots in common,” says Mary, who works in journalism. “We were both mums of boys and pregnant with boys.” Their family backgrounds were similar too. “We chatted about the fact that both of our sisters have complex additional needs, and what it was like to grow up in that situation,” says Naomi.
Callout
In September 2021, Naomi was hospitalised and bed-bound with a haematoma, a buildup of blood that can happen during pregnancy. Although visiting was still restricted due to the pandemic, Mary managed to see Naomi before one of her scans at the same hospital. “It was great, but surreal because we were both wearing masks,” says Mary. “I felt so sorry for her because she couldn’t leave the hospital and she had a toddler at home.”
Naomi says the visit really cheered her up. “Being in hospital was a scary time and I was going crazy sitting still all day. I was excited to meet Mary after messaging each other for so long.”
The following month both women gave birth, and visited each other as soon as restrictions allowed. “Naomi couldn’t drive because she’d had a C-section. I came over with my baby and we had tea and chatted,” says Mary. From then on, they built a strong friendship, taking part in lots of activities together locally. As well as baby yoga, sensory classes and baby massage, they met for coffee and cake to make the most of maternity leave. Since then, they have enjoyed weekend spa breaks, theatre shows and fitness classes, as well as going out for dinner and drinks.
When Mary’s sister died suddenly in 2022, Naomi was a tremendous support to her friend. “She helped me with the trauma, as well as the knock-on impact of all the things you deal with afterwards,” she says. “I can call Naomi anytime. To have someone reassure me and tell me I am still being a good mum despite all the stress has been a huge help.”
Last year, Naomi and her partner separated, and Mary was there to offer the same level of support in turn. “It’s been emotional and stressful, but she’s been incredible,” says Naomi. “I don’t think I could have got through the last 15 months without her.”
The two are also very close to each other’s children. “Because they’re the same age, we’ve been through the same milestones and challenges,” says Naomi. “Our kids are great friends too and because we don’t work on Fridays, we can always spend the day together.”
Mary describes her friend as resilient, with positive energy. “I admire her for holding down an amazing job, while looking after two boys and organising everything in the house. She’s so on it – she never forgets anything,” she says. “Naomi is someone who understands the importance of friendship and puts that time in with people, no matter what she’s got going on.”
Naomi sees Mary as part of her family. “She’s been through so much with her sister but she stays motivated, no matter what, and goes above and beyond with all the little things,” she says. “Our friendship is built on trust and loyalty, but we also have a really good laugh. Whatever happens, we always know we’ll feel better from being in each other’s company.”
