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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle
Lizzie Cernik

How we met: ‘I was stranded on a climb. I called for help – and he answered’

Abdel and Jane in 2005.
‘Bureaucracy and visas were a bigger challenge for us than the religious differences’ … Abdel and Jane in 2005. Photograph: Supplied image

When Jane overheard a story on the radio about Barbary pirates raiding the Cornish coast near her home town, it sparked an idea for a historical novel. In spring 2005, she convinced a friend to accompany her to Tafraoute, Morocco, so she could research the story and learn more about the Berber perspective.

The area is famous for its rock climbing routes, and they soon met a group of other travellers. “They recommended a nearby restaurant,” says Jane. A local tribesman named Abdel opened the door to them. “I didn’t realise he was the chef but he had lots of charisma and we made a lot of eye contact.” Though he was busy working, Abdel noticed her immediately. “It was like an electric shock, for me,” he says.

The next day, Jane and her friend got into difficulty on a climbing trip. “We reached a part that was too muddy to climb,” she says. “The light was going and I realised we wouldn’t be able to come down until the morning.” With a few bars of signal on her mobile phone, she called the only local number she had – the restaurant from the night before. “Abdel answered and I asked him to alert the other climbers that we planned to stay the night and climb down tomorrow.” As he spoke no English at the time, they communicated in basic French.

Jane admits she thought she “would die” through the night. “We could hear jackals calling and we were on the edge of hypothermia. I found myself thinking about Abdel a lot,” she says. When the day dawned, they were able to abseil down the mountain, bumping into Abdel and a group of villagers on the way. “We were very relieved to find them,” says Abdel. “Everyone knew about what happened and all the village had got up early to help.”

Jane and Abdel in Cornwall this year.
Jane and Abdel in Cornwall this year. Photograph: Supplied image

That night, he threw a celebration party at his restaurant to welcome them back, before Jane and her equally exhausted friend went to sleep. The next day, she was in a souk when someone tapped her on the arm. “There was Abdel – he took my hand and put this ring on my finger that was shaped like a tent,” she says. “It’s made of silver and it’s a protective charm,” he adds. “I told her it was to keep her safe in future.”

After her trip, Jane returned to her job as a publishing director in London, but she had exchanged phone numbers with Abdel and the pair stayed in touch. “We started speaking every night but it was very expensive. I sent her my first-ever email,” he says. Due to the language barrier, Jane says they asked each other “very direct” questions, which made it easier to get to know one another. “It sounds strange but it meant we were able to be honest about what we wanted from life, without the usual dating complications where nobody says what they mean.”

Six weeks later, Jane returned to Morocco and they quickly realised they wanted to be together. “On her last day, I asked her when we would get married,” says Abdel. The local religion and culture meant they could never date, so Jane decided to take the plunge. They married in October 2005 and she moved to Tafraoute. She was able to continue working remotely, but admits she struggled with the cultural shift. “Abdel was running the restaurant so I spent a lot of time alone,” she says. “I remember sitting at my table up on the roof, composing an email to an editor. Just 15 feet away there was a lady threshing wheat by hand. I felt I was between two worlds.”

Abdel is Muslim, but their different backgrounds have never affected their relationship. “Bureaucracy and visas were a bigger challenge for us than the religious differences,” he says. “When a non-Muslim woman marries a Muslim man, she doesn’t have to convert. My family welcomed her too. My mother told me if I am happy, then she is happy.”

Since they married, they’ve spent winters in Morocco and summers in Cornwall, where Jane’s family is from originally. She still writes and recently completed her 17th novel, while Abdel is now retired from restaurant work.

He describes his partner as brave and courageous. “We also complement each other well and share a passion for cooking and food.” Jane loves how honest her husband is. “He’s very straightforward and has strong moral values. He’s also very funny and we share the same outlook on life. We were continents apart but we were immediately on the same page.”

Callout

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