When Becky attended the Secret Garden Party festival with her partner in the summer of 2017, she had no idea it would lead to meeting her best friend. “My now-husband and I had not long started dating, and he said he would buy tickets on the condition that he could wear my big red flamenco dress,” she says. She agreed and, knowing the festival was famed for people dressing up, she also brought a range of costumes with her for the weekend.
On the first day, she dressed up as Beyoncé before going to say hello to the festival-goers in the neighbouring campervans. “One of them was Neo’s husband, who said: ‘My wife loves dressing up too.’” But nothing could have prepared her for Neo’s big entrance.
“I came out wearing a bikini top and white flared trousers, gold chains and daisies, these giant 6ft wings and an ostrich feather headdress that made me about 7ft tall,” says Neo. Becky screamed the moment she saw her. “So many things went through my mind when I saw a beautiful Black woman in this incredible costume. It was as if we shared this instant connection,” she says.
Seeing the Beyoncé costume that Becky was wearing, Neo returned the scream and greeted her with a hug. “Then we went to check out the rest of each other’s outfits. We didn’t spend loads of time together that weekend, but we did have a bond straight away,” says Neo. “We both have grownup children and love dressing up and having fun.”
The pair exchanged numbers and, although they would have liked to have met up, they live three hours apart and both have hectic lives. “I’m near Cardiff and Becky lives in South Oxfordshire, plus I have a very busy job as a nurse and Becky has a busy career in consulting. We mainly spoke online for the first year,” says Neo.
In 2018, Becky invited Neo to her 50th birthday party. “I didn’t know anyone, but still had an amazing time. She had even booked the band I had at my wedding.” They continued to stay in touch, but it wasn’t until the first Covid lockdown that their friendship became much deeper.
“After the murder of George Floyd and the rise of the Black Lives Matter movement, we really started to talk about more serious things,” says Becky. They shared similar backgrounds, and found they had had many of the same experiences. “We had both been brought up in single-parent households by white mothers and had absent Black fathers. Before we met, neither of us had really talked about the impact that had on us while growing up,” says Becky. “I didn’t talk about my lived experiences of being Black with my friends.”
Neo also found she was able to open up in a way she had never previously done. “For example, we talked about the invasiveness of strangers touching your hair and I told her about the time someone had put cigarette butts and sweet wrappers in mine when I was out dancing,” she says. They also discovered they were able to learn more about themselves through each other. “It was like the universe had put us together so we could evolve, individually and as friends,” says Neo.
The pair visit each other whenever they get the chance and plan to go on holiday to Croatia soon. “I have spent so much time with people who have drained me,” says Becky. “I don’t always get my energy from being around others, but I do get my energy from being around Neo. We just love being together, even if we are not going out or doing anything.”
Neo sees Becky as a “big sister”. “She’s phenomenally successful in everything she does and has great style. More than anything, she offers me a safe space to be vulnerable.”
Becky loves that they have so much in common, but are different enough to continue learning from each other. “Neo is really creative and artistic, especially in interior design. I love that she has qualities that I don’t. We don’t have to agree on everything, but our friendship always feels so real and authentic.”
