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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle
Lizzie Cernik

How we met: ‘At our wedding, my dad bet the marriage wouldn’t last five years. That was 33 years ago’

How We Met couple Axel and Erika in their car in Sydney in 2006.
‘I don’t think we’ve ever had to work at our relationship’ … Axel and Erika in Sydney in 2006. Photograph: Supplied image

Erika grew up living all over Europe, but by 1989 she had moved to the UK to study. That summer, she travelled to Bonn in Germany, where she began looking for a summer job. “I went there because my mother was based in the city at the time,” she says. “The European Swimming Championships were on, so I rang up looking for a volunteer position.” She landed a coveted spot in the driving team, taking swimmers to various destinations across the city. “Someone had dropped out, and I got lucky. It was sponsored by car manufacturers, so I was excited about driving some nice cars.”

She went to the coordinators’ office to sign up, where Axel, another volunteer, took down her details. “I was studying sports science in Cologne at the time,” he says. “When I first saw Erika, we were both wearing pink jumpsuits – part of the driving uniform. She was this little redhead who seemed witty and easygoing. I immediately found her easy to talk to.”

The two ended up going for dinner at a steakhouse. “I was in a relationship and Axel had just broken up with someone,” Erika says. “We weren’t an instant couple but there was something between us.” They stayed friends over the summer, but it wasn’t until the autumn that their relationship shifted.

How We Met couple Erika and Axel in Bonn, Germany, in 1990
‘There was something between us’ … Erika and Axel in Germany, 1990. Photograph: Supplied image

Erika went back to university and broke up with her boyfriend. Shortly afterwards, Axel came to visit her in London. A couple of weeks later, she returned to Germany to see him, and they started a long-distance relationship. “It was a train to Dover, then a ferry and another train. It would take all night to get there,” she remembers. “We did so many trips.”

Then one day, in February 1990, they were sitting in a McDonald’s in London when they made the decision to get married. “We’ve always asked ourselves why we chose to get married rather than live together and neither of us really knows,” Axel says. “In the moment, it just felt right.”

They told their families, who were surprised by the news. “His mum thought I was pregnant at first,” says Erika. “My mum didn’t think we were going to do it.” But in October that year, they went ahead with the wedding and moved to Bonn, where Axel had an apartment. Erika became a graphic designer in Düsseldorf, while Axel began working in IT, and later set up his own company.

In 1998, they visited friends in Australia, which sparked their decision to move across the world. “We’d come from the German winter, which was cold and miserable,” says Axel. “Our friends lived down on the beach and we decided we wanted that too.” After a long application process, they got their residency visas in 2001 and moved to Sydney. Erika found a job designing user interfaces for mobile phones, while Axel found work in telecommunications management. They’ve since moved further up the coast and renovated a house together. “The weather is great and the people are very relaxed and friendly,” says Axel. “We love going out to eat and drink, and taking road trips together.”

Because they married so quickly at a young age, nobody expected the relationship to last. “On our fifth wedding anniversary, my dad gave us a box of champagne, saying he’d lost a bet,” says Erika. “At our wedding, he’d bet my sister that it wasn’t going to last five years. And this year, we’ve been married for 33 years.”

She believes one of the reasons it works so well is because they complement each other. “I love that he keeps my craziness in check and he never questions himself; he’s just happy with who he is. Axel is the rock that keeps me grounded. It’s never felt like a chore or an effort. I don’t think we’ve ever had to work at our relationship.”

Axel loves how they both always accept the other person’s needs. “Whatever it is, we can talk about it and find a way,” he says. “Erika’s funny and has lots of ideas – she’s way more open to trying new things than I am. But I keep those plans in check and make sure we can do them. It just felt right from the very beginning.”

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