As a teenager, Norman was very confused about his sexuality. “I thought I was gay because I fancied men, like pop stars. But later, I started to like girls as well,” he says. When his parents found out, he was sent to a psychiatrist for conversion therapy, and although his feelings for men never went away, in 1972 he met and fell in love with the woman he would later marry. When she died in 2017, he was devastated. “We lived for each other and loved each other. I was totally lost because we’d done everything together.”
It wasn’t until two years later that Norman began to think about coming out as bisexual. “I’m a volunteer cultural champion at the Royal Exchange Theatre in Manchester,” he says. “A new coordinator from an LGBTQ+ foundation had come in and said they were looking for volunteers aged over 60 to make videos about what life was like in the 1950s and 60s for gay people.” Ever since he was young, Norman had wanted to be open about who he was, and it finally felt like the right time. “I just wanted the world to know I was bisexual,” he says.
Around the same time, a friend at the theatre introduced him to Out in the City, a support group for older LGBTQ+ people, which was supported by Age UK Manchester. He received a call from Tony, who was running the group, to explain more about what was involved. “I wanted to meet like-minded people, so I went along and immediately felt very relaxed and at home,” he says. “It was such a friendly group.”
Tony, who also lives in Manchester, says Norman seemed very sociable. “I wasn’t immediately attracted to him but he was easy to talk to. We got on straight away.” Not long after he joined, the meetings paused for the pandemic. “It was a terrible time for me and I felt very isolated,” says Tony. “In the summer, Age UK advised us to start meetings again, subject to some restrictions, so we sat in this huge circle, 2 metres apart from one another.” It was then Norman and Tony began spending more time together and they discovered they had a lot in common.
Although Tony had known he was gay from a young age, he had also faced backlash and was sent to a psychiatrist. “I was ostracised by my family, except for my sister, but then I met a partner and we lived together for 31 years,” he says. Ever since 2011, when his partner died from pancreatic cancer, Tony had been comfortable with his single life, but by the end of 2021, he realised he wanted something more than friendship with Norman.
“I invited him to the cinema and, on the way back to the station, I told him I had feelings for him,” says Tony. Norman admits he was in shock – he’d never had a relationship with a man. “It really threw me, so I asked if we could be friends.”
Over Christmas, Tony went to stay with his sister in Slovakia. They texted each other every day and Norman soon realised he was waiting for Tony’s message to arrive. “It dawned on me that I must like him,” he says. “We met up and I told him I wanted to give it a try, but that he’d need to give me time. He told me to take as long as I wanted.”
The pair have been a couple ever since. Now retired, they go to lots of Out in the City events together, as well as the cinema and various art classes. “We’ve tried ceramics, and go to lots of exhibitions,” says Tony. “I love his sense of humour. He’s always telling corny jokes but we laugh a lot. We have so much fun and really enjoy each other’s company.”
Norman appreciates his partner’s patience and compassion. “He’s so caring. He’s always there for me to talk to and he’s so understanding. I could not have met anyone better. Life for me is so exciting now.”
