After losing his job as a classical music buyer in 2008, Sterling struggled to get back on track. Four years later, he found himself homeless and staying with a friend in San Francisco. Unable to get a full-time job, he worked at a small Buddhist bookshop, where he was paid a weekly stipend.
“I’d turned to Buddhism in my early 60s to help me clear some emotional challenges I’d struggled with in the past,” he says. “By 2012, I had also started writing and was working on a fantasy novel. While searching for writers’ groups, I spotted a support group for gay men. I had no expectations but I thought I’d give it a shot.”
As soon as he walked in, he spotted Berkeley. “He was very attractive. A little voice in my head said: ‘You could do worse than that.’” Over the course of the meeting, Sterling discovered that Berkeley usually dated younger men. “I assumed I was too old and dismissed any possibility that something could happen.”
But Berkeley, who had volunteered to manage the group, was immediately taken with Sterling. “My former partner had died, and I was living alone after moving from Hawaii to California,” he says. “As soon as I met Sterling, I got a very strong, energetic hit from him.”
After two meetings, Berkeley invited Sterling out for coffee, much to Sterling’s surprise. “We had a tremendously good time,” says Berkeley. “Both of us have had the experience of scaring people off, because we have strong personalities and are not afraid to express an opinion. But these qualities made us more attractive to each other and meant we had a shared understanding.”
Their first date lasted six hours and Berkeley was amazed by how much they had in common. “We had both lost work in the financial crisis and we’d both had very difficult upbringings, which we had worked through in therapy,” he says. “We also both realised we were gay in the 1960s, which wasn’t easy. It was a time where everyone was free and hippy, unless you were gay or a woman. I never even told my parents.”
After their coffee date, they began going out for regular lunches and dinners. A month later, Sterling admits he was “head over heels”. They moved into Berkeley’s apartment, which they say was the “ultimate test”. “I remember we built some furniture. Usually it’s like an ego contest between two men but we worked together, smooth as silk,” says Sterling.
When rents began to rise rapidly in San Francisco in 2014, they moved to Talent in southern Oregon, where they were able to buy a home together. “We qualified for a mortgage programme as we are both military veterans,” says Berkeley. “It meant we didn’t need a down payment and we were able to retire on our pensions.”
Due to their status as veterans they were also entitled to health coverage, which saved Sterling’s life in 2020. “I caught a rare virus from gardening in October of that year and it wreaked havoc on my immune system,” he says. “I was very unwell and had to have a pacemaker put in. I couldn’t imagine being better cared for while that was happening. Berkeley is the first person in my life who has really taken care of me; I’d never experienced anything like that before.”
Berkeley loves the way they communicate as a couple. “Whenever we have a bump, we just take time out so nothing ever builds up,” he says. “Sterling is also really fun and very artistic.”
Sterling appreciates his partner’s kindness. “Berkeley is naturally compassionate, warm and giving. I have never seen him be mean or cruel to anyone,” he says.
“Before we met, I felt like I had made a lot of bad decisions and I had spent time repairing emotional damage from my past. When Berkeley came on the scene, I felt ready to love and I feel lucky to have met him.”
