It is that time of the year when the stuffed calendar becomes even more stuffed, as we cram in more Christmas parties with the final push. Drinks parties, office parties, dinners and carols, all in the name of celebrating Jesus (sort of). Perhaps when rushing to the third knees up of the evening on a Tuesday night in December, one will wonder why we don’t ration these things out over the rest of the year. But that’s entirely the point of silly season: a baptism of festive fire and wines too various before a January of monk-like restraint.
But some of these parties are bad. Dull, even. We’ve all been there: cornered by the office bore, Slade whining on the bluetooth speaker, lukewarm mulled wine in hand. When it comes to a yuletide do, it can be difficult to strike the balance between standing out from the crowd and giving the people what they want. But through extensive testing, on-the-ground research, and tips and tricks from those in the know, we have cracked the formula for hosting the perfect Christmas party.
Guest list
For some reason many people think it behooves them to invite their extended family to their Christmas party. But do not feel behooved. Jilly Cooper advises that “very boring old people” should not make the list, because “there’s nothing worse than being stuck on the sofa with someone’s turgid geriatric mother”. Children are fine, but not very young ones, “and ask lots of pretty people – a party needs sex appeal”.
Invite the most fun people you know, even if they’re not your closest friends. This isn’t like a wedding or birthday: think who will assume the various roles. Someone will always have one of those gallant boyfriends who starts handing round the canapes or becomes the pro bono bartender of the evening (a little smug but useful nonetheless).
Don’t be afraid to turn down suspect plus ones, or face the consequences, warns veteran party goer Henry Conway. “Beware the dullard who has one Bailey’s and becomes a party monster,” he says. “It’s always someone’s partner who has a complete personality transplant.” The solution? “Cut them off from the eggnog and manage them out.” You want enablers, people who can talk to anyone, a good few single people and some cosy ones to maintain a veneer of wholesomeness.
Decoration
Christmas is kitsch and naff and there’s no point trying to deny it. But this can make it a time of great overconsumption, so ditch the plasticky tinsel and go over the top with natural decorations. Festoon doorways with mistletoe, scatter greenery and pine cones on tables, and get plenty of red flowers. Christmassy foods like clementines and walnuts in their shells look pretty in bowls or shoved in among branches. Head to a park where you can find pine cones (Kew Gardens and Waterlow Park are two in London).
“Decoration should not be left to the last minute,” says designer Henry Holland. “Think about florals, linen and lighting.” Don’t have the overhead lights on, turn on the lamps. Candles are lovely but beware the naked flame: having pillar candles in big glass hurricane jars is much safer.
If you have a garden, invest in some outdoor fairy lights so it looks nice and inviting. These hardy solar powered ones from the Solar Centre are the best in the business. No need to rely on the fickle English winter weather: you can charge them with a USB before the party and they’ll last weeks.
Music
The best parties can be let down by suboptimal music. Don’t have anything too obtrusive playing in the early evening when everyone is chatting and make a separate playlist for when the party gets going. Christmassy vibes does not necessarily mean Christmas music – there’s only so many times people can endure Mariah Carey. A good bet is playing the normal songs of people who have made Christmas albums: think Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, The Beach Boys.
Make sure to play the songs on the playlist in order, rather than on shuffle. That way if some meddling guest messes up the queue by putting on Last Christmas (god forbid), you can pick up where you left off rather than repeating songs. You can also make the playlist increasingly upbeat as the night goes on.
Save the Christmas bangers for playlist number two, but pepper them sparsely. All the best ones were made in the 80s, like Stop the Cavalry and Fairytale of New York. The Pogues are generally a good backing track for drunken merriment, as are bands like The Waterboys – anything with a fiddle in it, really. Fiddles are Christmassy. If you want the party to last, a good speaker is essential. Your UE Boom may sound loud when you’re in the shower, but it’s not going to cut the mustard in a room full of nattering people. Either hire a speaker or invest in a pair that will last forever. The Bowers & Wilkins Zeppelin is ideal: it’s chic and small enough to sit on a table, but big enough to go properly loud.
Food
There are some foods at Christmas that people will be sick of after a couple of days. Panettone, begone. Others are classics for a reason. To that end, make sure you serve cocktail sausages. People will be disappointed if there are no cocktail sausages. Roast them in the oven and douse them in honey and wholegrain mustard for the last ten minutes until they are on the precipice of burning. Nigella does hers with honey, soy sauce and sesame oil which are also very good.
Founder of Sri Lankan street food restaurant Hoppers Karan Gokani recommends adding twists on classic party food. For example, instead of just serving roasted salted nuts, try his recipe for Sri Lankan spiced cashew nuts.
As well as canapes you want to feed your guests something a little more substantial to keep them from leaving at 9pm. Think gravadlax and bread, or a glazed ham.
Drinks
Champagne is of course obligatory and should not run out or people will feel morose. Lanson’s Robert Rand recommends going by the magnum. “There is theatre around this size, but just as importantly, the quality is enhanced. A magnum has more finesse and less oxidation, and shows more freshness,” he says. Just make sure you collar a strong-armed guest to dish it out. Make use of Majestic Wine’s free glass hire service (you put down a £2 deposit per glass and only pay for any which get broken). They also offer a free chiller bin hire and can deliver ice – three less things to think about on the day.
“Batched cocktails, negronis, interesting garnishes for classic G&Ts and non-conventional mixers are a nice trick to make the bar festive,” says chef Karan. Vodka-based cocktails like a cosmo (heavy on the lime, easy on the cranberry) are always crowd pleasers. Sapling is a brilliant vodka brand for parties as it does refillable pouches which are cheaper and better for the environment. It also saves you lugging a load of bottles to the recycling the next day. Tequila will also keep spirits high, and my favourite Christmassy cocktail is a Toreador, which is a margarita spiked with apricot brandy. Make sure you use a good tequila like Maestro Dobel. Or to make life easier, brands like Picante make delicious premade cocktails by the can or bottle.
