Silly season is upon us, and with it comes back-to-back parties and an overwhelming sense of injustice at having to go to work. Days of the week mean nothing in December. Big knees up on a Tuesday? But of course.
Yet all this jollity tends to blur into one mass of mulled wine soaked memories. Whose party was it where they made those delicious mince pies? And that glistening ham! When it comes to throwing your own Christmas party, there’s nothing wrong with going down the tried and tested route. But the exhibitionists among us may want to stand out.
If you found yourself watching TV show Rivals and pining after all the 80s revelry, there’s only one thing for it: have a Rivals themed Christmas party. It makes perfect sense: the 80s was the Christmas of decades – both were kitsch and flamboyant – and Rivals is camp as, well, Christmas.
The food and drink
At this point no one wants to see another pig in blanket again. Ditch the regular yuletide canapés and go full Jilly Cooper: vol-au-vents, devilled eggs, and little lettuce boats of prawn cocktail. Libation-wise, none of this modern abstemiousness: encourage copious champagne drinking.
The decor
Ideally your house is a big country pile in the Cotswolds, with lots of dark corridors to steal a kiss in. If not, litter your flat with mistletoe to encourage a little yuletide romance.
The etiquette
While this will be a pro-romp shindig, the one thing that can absolutely be left in Rutshire is any uninvited wandering hands. No Rupert Campbell-Black style groping here.
The outfits
Encourage your guests to dress up in the Rivals spirit: big shoulder pads, statement jewellery, voluminous hair and lots of bows for the ladies. And brooches! It’s about time the brooch had a renaissance. For the men, think checked suits and braces.
The activities
Unless you are especially hardy, the season for naked tennis has sadly passed. In these crisper climes naked snooker over glasses of whisky will suffice (you do have a snooker room, don’t you?).
The music
Naturally, all of the best Christmas songs are from the 80s, from Stop the Cavalry to Fairytale of New York. But the key to a great Christmas party is having a mixture on the playlist. Rivals-era music will get everyone dancing: think Depeche Mode, Bronski Beat and Madonna. You can even use the TV show’s soundtrack, which is available on Spotify.
The guest list
For guidance on the guest list, take it from the author of Rivals herself. “Invite a mixture of those you love and those you owe and ask lots of pretty people – a party needs sex appeal,” Cooper writes in her book, How to Survive Christmas. Young children and “very boring old people” should not feature, because “there’s nothing worse than being stuck on the sofa with someone’s turgid geriatric mother”. Not in the Rivals spirit.
A last word
Cooper’s Christmas manual is full of great advice: skip the mulled wine, because “as well as being disgusting, it is too complicated to keep hot”. Keep the lighting soft and start the house warm, but “constantly police the temperature” in case things get hot and heavy. Let the revelry to rival all else begin.
