I realize that, by now, most of our minds are made up. DeMeco Ryans is, deservedly, in pole position for the Coach of the Year award or, at the very least, the unanimous choice for the best coach in the AFC South this year (certainly Dan Campbell, Mike McDaniel and Kevin O’Connell are in the conversation for the award as well). During the NFL honors event, there’s a chance the Texans will be a little like U2 at the Grammys after How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb came out. Every time they sit down from accepting some honor, they will be called back to the dais for another back-patting. (Side note: Did you know that the two most award-winning albums of all time are that U2 record and Supernatural by Santana … what the hell is wrong with us?)
But let me reintroduce you to the Colts and first-year head coach Shane Steichen. Indianapolis is on the cusp of playoff contention, now tied with Ryans’s Texans in the AFC South at 6–5. Pull up a chair and let’s have a conversation.
Kirby Lee/USA TODAY Sports
You might say: Whoa, whoa guy, DeMeco Ryans is winning with a rookie quarterback.
I would say: The Colts also had a rookie quarterback, Anthony Richardson, who was far less experienced than C.J. Stroud. Richardson made it through parts of four games this season but was banged up from the very outset, having to come off the field for a concussion test during his first game. During that stretch, the Colts went 2–2. Steichen beat out an unprecedentedly crowded field of head coaching candidates for the job specifically because it was believed he could come up with a system that would provide some sense of comfort for Richardson at the NFL level after minimal collegiate reps. Then, he had to tweak that system again for Gardner Minshew, much like Steichen had to do last year as OC in Philadelphia when Jalen Hurts went down and Minshew had to start two games down the stretch. In that way, we’re tasked with asking ourselves: What’s harder?:
A: Creating an environment for and a coaching staff amenable to the development of a rookie quarterback, who then becomes wildly successful and creates a sort of buoyant tailwind upon which the franchise rides.
B: Actually developing the rookie QB, while also creating these kind of parallel playbooks, while also emotionally managing a team that vacillates between low expectations to somewhat lofty expectations to no expectations and now, once again, somewhat lofty expectations—as the quarterback situation shifts from uncertain to promising to Minshew, which is a bit like a live-play equivalent of a Kool-Aid Acid Test.
As an aside to that argument, the Texans have had significantly better performances on a down-to-down basis from their offense, while the Colts’ and Texans’ defenses have had a relatively similar performance, meaning that Steichen seems to be squeezing out a few more wins above expectation. To me, this shows in critical-down play-calls, such as the fourth quarter, fourth-and-1 tackle-eligible pass to Mo Alie-Cox on Sunday, which piled the entire Buccaneers defense into a heap at the line of scrimmage, leaving a wide open tight end to barrel into the red zone. This led to a knockout-blow touchdown three plays later.
You might say: Hey pal, the Texans were really bad before Ryans got there.
I would say: That’s true! But since 2018, the Colts have made the playoffs twice. The Texans have made the playoffs … twice!
You might say: Listen, dude [as you take off your studded leather jacket in a threatening manner and rise from the chair] the Texans’ roster was in horrible shape.
I would say: I’m not trying to cause any trouble here, friend, honest. We’re all just travelers on spaceship earth. [Causing you to sit back down but still crack your knuckles.]
I would breathe a sigh of relief and continue saying: Since 2018, the Colts have picked in the first round of the draft two times. Once, in ’20, the team selected DE Kwity Paye out of Michigan and this past season they drafted Richardson with the No. 4 pick.
The Texans, meanwhile, have had five first-round draft picks since 2018, including two each in ’22 and ’23. The Colts were a team trying to maximize the remnants of a somewhat competitive roster that always looked a little better because of Andrew Luck, but then Andrew Luck retired and they kept mistakenly pouring resources into that roster while signing a rotating cast of aging or incapable starting quarterbacks (Jacoby Brissett, Brian Hoyer, Philip Rivers, Carson Wentz, Matt Ryan, Nick Foles). The team’s best player for the past half decade has been an interior offensive lineman (Quenton Nelson). Meanwhile, it’s hard to make the argument that the Texans were not spending time setting the table for a coach that they really wanted, using two straight one-year coaches, David Culley and Lovie Smith, as a kind of human shield against the end of the Deshaun Watson era. This led to a windfall of young, cheap talent, not to mention the fact that general manager Nick Caserio had either inherited some good, cost effective every-down players such as Jonathan Greenard, or did a great job of finding major producers in the middle rounds of the draft before Ryans’s arrival, including Nico Collins and Christian Harris, to name just two.
You, now on the floor trying to escape from the pure strength and power of my argument: But … the Texans’ organization was also really bad before Ryans got there. Wasn’t the Jack Easterby thing really weird?
I, now feeling your weakness, would say: Dude, have you tuned in to the Colts lately?
Last year, Jim Irsay fired the team’s offensive coordinator and then fired head coach Frank Reich … all in the middle of the season. He then installed television analyst and prospective Selsun Blue model Jeff Saturday as the head coach despite Saturday’s having no head coaching experience. The organization was in such chaos that there were coaches actively turning down the opportunity to be the offensive coordinator during the season.
This year, Irsay bizarrely said that if he died that day (!!) or Jonathan Taylor was released tomorrow (I guess coinciding with Irsay’s fictitious death??) that no one would miss them. He completely harpooned an active contract negotiation at the beginning of the season, which exacerbated Taylor’s holdout. All this while Steichen was trying to set a culture and get a locker room to believe in him for the first time. (Update: As a reader pointed out after this column was published, we didn't even mention the team losing a starting corner to a full-year gambling suspension, losing a starting defensive tackle to a PED suspension or the waiving of defensive captain Darius Leonard.)
So, yeah, it’s the NFL man. It’s weird everywhere.
[NEW SCENE]
The Ryans supporter and the Steichen supporter walk out of the bar together, arm in arm. Their lives will never be the same, thanks to a new understanding forged through open conversation. The winter sun hangs low in the sky. In the distance a cover band plays “Barracuda” by Heart. Perhaps the Ryans supporter will never truly appreciate the genius of the Steichen supporter. Perhaps the Steichen supporter will never realize he is attempting to steal a moment from the Ryans supporter, who has been decidedly devoid of nice moments over the past few years. Sometimes people who make good football points don’t realize that it is not their points people don’t like, but the timing and delivery of them.
The pair exchange contact information, follow one another on multiple social media platforms and vow to return here, one year later, to celebrate the idea that minds can be changed, or at least the forum can be created for the prospective changing of minds.
An eagle swoops down from the sky and makes a high pitched whistle, resting atop a waving American flag.
