Mental health issues surface differently in men, so it’s important to be able to spot the hidden clues, discovers Amy Packer
Depression is more common than you might think – approximately one in four people in the UK will experience problems with their mental health each year. But spotting when someone you love is struggling can be difficult, even if you see them every day.
“Men are less likely to seek help for depression, so it’s important to know what to look out for in order to show your support and encourage them to get the help they need,” says Sarah Coghlan, global director Men’s Health Promotion at Movember.
“Sadness, apathy and withdrawal are often thought of as typical symptoms of depression and while men can experience any or all of these, depression is often missed in men because the symptoms can be different.”
Here are Sarah’s five key signs to look out for – and her tips on how you can be most useful when someone is suffering.
Anger and irritability
Men are more likely to experience anger and irritability as a result of depression, as opposed to sadness and withdrawal.
If your friend or partner seems to snap more easily than they used to or is unusually quick to lose their temper or becomes verbally hostile towards others, that may be a sign they’re struggling and need support.
Loss of appetite
Depression can affect our appetite and change our relationship with food. It can cause us to eat more than usual, or it can lead to a loss of appetite.
If someone is routinely eating less than usual, shows little interest in food or perhaps has put on or lost a significant amount of weight, it could be a sign they are struggling.
Constant fatigue
Tiredness is another sign of depression that is often missed. It can make everyday tasks such as going to work, taking care of children or preparing meals feel impossible. Someone may even start speaking or moving more slowly than usual and have little motivation to do anything.
If a loved one reports sleeping problems that go beyond the occasional bad night, either sleeping too little or too much, having trouble getting out of bed in the morning or feeling constantly fatigued (where there is no obvious physical cause), they may need some mental health support.
Persistent head, stomach or muscle pains (with no other discernible medical cause) can also be clues.
Indecisiveness
If someone close to you begins to display difficulty in making decisions that once would have come easily to them, it might be an indication they are feeling low.
People with depression tend to avoid decision making and are slower to make choices.
One reason for this is that motivation is impaired in people with depression, and without it the rewards of making a decision are reduced.
Loss of interest in favourite activities
While it is normal to feel sad and lack motivation sometimes, if your friend or loved one is opting out of activities they used to enjoy, it can be a red flag.
Skipping drinks at the pub, or football training, making excuses when you suggest meeting up, or if they seem to have dropped hobbies or friends, may all be signs they’re struggling with their mental health.
How to help
If you are concerned about a friend or loved one, there are practical steps you can take to offer your support.
- Arrange a time to chat. Don’t make vague plans or hide behind a screen. Set a specific time and date to get together in person.
If someone finds it difficult to talk, especially when the focus is all on them, try doing something else as a distraction. Some men will find it easier and less pressured to open up during a walk or a bike ride than if they’re sitting directly opposite you.
- Offer empathy and support, not solutions. You don’t have to have the answers. Just be their friend. Listen well. Ask open-ended questions that encourage them to keep sharing.
One example could be: “How is this affecting you most?”
Movember produces free interactive resources at Movember Conversations (conversations.movember.com) on how to support someone who might be struggling, as well as providing helpful practice conversations.
- Reduce the stigma. For some men it’s hard talking about depression, much less getting the help they need, because of the stigma around it.
Lots of men are taught from an early age that they have to appear tough or strong and that emotion is a sign of weakness. Take stigma out of the picture, perhaps by sharing your own experiences if applicable.
- Encourage them to seek help. Remind them that seeking help is a valid and necessary investment in their wellbeing. If they’re reluctant to get professional help, you could offer to find someone who might be a good fit for them. If they refuse help and you think they would benefit, you can contact NHS 111 to talk through your concerns.
Alternatively, let their GP know what’s going on. They may be able to arrange an emergency appointment, though be aware a doctor might need to share the information you have given them with the person you have spoken to them about.
Alternatively, contact listening services such as Samaritans on 116 123 (freephone) or text SHOUT to 85258, a free 24/7 crisis text service for advice on how to help.
- Follow up. Check in with your friend regularly. Make it a priority. Even if they
seem to be doing better, reach out to let them know they’re not alone, offer practical support, or just get outside together.
