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Regretting the decision to fully embrace Blighty for the summer months, swapping the sun-baked edges of the Mediterranean for Pimms, bouncy green lawns and bucket-and-spade jaunts? Me too. It was one of the coldest summers on record since 2015. Plus the blissful last of the summer sun we’ve got used to in September is nowhere to be seen.But if you’ve got a British staycay in your sights, why not rainproof it? Many British hotels are well practiced in the art, with extraordinary spa treatments and indoor facilities that can engulf you for days on end, workshops that trump any forest trail and even a spot of indoor polo (why not)?
Gilpin Hotel & Lake House, Relais & Châteaux, Cumbria
For embracing the rainy Lake District, Beatrix Potter style
So long as you’re not painting watercolours with a border collie perched obediently beside you as the heavens open, a rainy weekend in the Lake District is really what it’s all about. Long scenic hikes along Windermere’s banks are all the more beguiling through biblical patches of rain and piercing sunshine. Wincing? Not the raincoat and waterproof hiking gear type? Gilpin Hotel & Lake House is designed to bring the outdoors in, with hot tubs parked in every suite's private garden, and inside, their own infrared lounge bed, steam room, sauna and even an automated massage chair. There’s no awkward shuffle to a main hotel spa several miles away for a one hour massage, it’s all in the luxe-lakehouse vicinity, with bedrooms seemingly suspended over Mr Jeremy Fisher’s pond and views of the hills keeping any cabin fever at bay.
Book it: Doubles from £305 per night. thegilpin.co.uk
Cliveden House, Berkshire
For an abundance of indoor activities
An imposing bastion of the now faded, once glorious British aristocracy, Cliveden House’s Italianate oomph and sprawling, Versailles-style gardens are confident in their antiquity. Things are fresh and tech-astute, but there’s no creeping modernism here, it’s a deeply conservative proposition, (or at least it was, before a certain War Minister and dancer went for a naked dip in the now legendary pool, see: The Profumo Affair).
The sheer stately heft of it all — a wing here, a hall there — means the indoor activity menu is an extensive one. In just one hour from London, guests can hunker down here in the resplendent rooms and shrug with indifference as the sky turns grey. There’s the indoor tennis courts for finessing serves, whatever the weather, a large heated indoor pool, and the joy of yoyo-ing between the outdoor hot tubs and indoor Jacuzzi. And with cosy rooms peering over the fountain-dotted gardens, rainy afternoons are a great excuse to peruse the cocktail menu and lean into the sheer gilt and chandelier splendour of it all.
Book it: Doubles from £445. clivedenhouse.co.uk
The Bodmin Jail Hotel, Cornwall
For something a little different
Tired of the same old staycation formula: eat, spa, sleep, repeat? While a former Victorian jail may not conjure ideas of romance and luxury, this swish 70-bedroom hotel has twisted its dark, doomy history into something appealing, if not fascinating. Tucked eerily on the edge of Bodmin Moor in Cornwall, The Bodmin Jail Hotel (a little like Morticia Addams) really comes into its own in gloomy weather.
The cells remain attached to the hotel, offering guests hair-raising heritage tours into the dark psyche and cruel reality of Georgian and Victorian crime and punishment, with a sprinkling of ghost stories. On a lighter note, Camel Valley Vineyard and some of Cornwall’s most scenic coastal walks are worth removing your shackles for, with cloud-soft beds and deep, freestanding baths welcoming you back to base.
Book it: Doubles from £179. bodminjailhotel.com
Palé Hall, Bala, Wales
For epic off-roading through the watercolour Welsh countryside
Jacobean, fantastical, if not a little austere, Relais & Chateaux’ Palé Hall peers down its nose over statue-peppered gardens, ponds and woodland that move, theatrically, through the seasonal shades. Of course, when Wales switches on the sunshine, there are few things more ravishing. But here is a country at ease with the rain — the Welsh character has been chiselled by the unrelenting, melancholic sort, that turns the countryside an ethereal, emerald green and renders buildings’ skeletons soggy and cold unless fires are stoked throughout the day.
Come autumn it's acceptable to lounge, Victorian style, on sofas with afternoon tea for hours upon end, reading books, gossiping or moving swiftly onto the cocktail menu. But Palé Hall’s trump card is its 4X4 off-roading experience (perhaps all the more dramatic in wet weather), where guests can tear through muddy, hilly, rocky terrain on a vast 70-acre site, considered one of the UK’s best. For two adrenaline-pumping hours, drive through rivers, up and down steep slopes and wiggle through wooded areas with a guide. It’s the ultimate rainproof experience to book and round off with a soak in one of their copper tubs and stiff drink to settle the nerves.
Book it: Doubles from £320. relaischateaux.com
The Torridon, Inverness
For West Coast drama with drams
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There are few places more melancholic, raw and poetically beautiful than the West Coast of Scotland. Gazing out from the overwhelmingly scenic banks of a sea loch with the glens rising from all angles to meet an often reassuringly gloomy, Scottish sky, The Torridon is the sort of turreted, remote hunting lodge all Americans yearn for when they make their long-awaited pilgrimage. The loch may wink in the sunshine, and the soft, green parkland may offer up the perfect picnic and reading spots, but The Torridon is at its most sublime when the skies begin to frown, and the mountains form an inky, angry silhouette, broken occasionally by a roaming stag.
The stage is set for some top-drawer whisky tasting in the library, an experience offered by the hotel with its impressive Whisky Bar (over 365 single malts). Every dram and drama thrusts gets back in time, through Scotland’s rich heritage and its deep, pseudo-religious connection to the land and the elements.
Book it: Doubles from £235 per night. thetorridon.com
The Relais Cooden Beach, Bexhill
For sea views from your bed, spa treatments and posh fish and chips
A rainy British staycation can be salvaged with a spa, good food, and nearby shops and galleries to peruse. The Relais Cooden Beach has all three, and is something of an unsung hero when it comes to UK hideaway. It was a beloved spot for the Duke of Windsor and Wallace Simpson, with the property previously owned by the De La Warr family, and even Winston Churchill came here to rest and recalibrate.
Just a two minute walk from the train station and recently zhuzhed up (to Miami levels in the restaurant), the hotel is geared towards a ‘come rain or shine’ mentality. Guests arrive back in ponchos for cocktails by indoor firepits (genius), and any bouts of rain are offset with a pampering stint in the spa or a cosy spot in The Rally Restaurant for its posh fish and chips.
Book it: Doubles from £170. therelaisretreats.com
Thyme, The Cotswolds
For cooking courses with spa time
One of life’s joys, for me anyway, is to swim in a heated pool in the pouring rain. Possibly, because it recalls a famous scene featuring Ryan Gosling, but mainly because it makes you feel alive without giving you hypothermia. The pool at Thyme’s Meadow Spa is one of England’s prettiest — a far cry from the country club or golf club blinding blue thing, but lined with lavender and a sliver of stately home pond or fountain. An open fire in the poolside Orchard House greets you on exit, swiftly with a striped candy towel if it’s raining, as do a series of warm, hot stone or Bertioli oil massages in the spa.
Once warm and fluffed up like a duckling, guests can head over to Thyme’s very own cookery school, from a four-hour instinctive cooking course (think fruit cordials and ricotta ravioli) to shorter, biscuit-making classes. A rainy weekend in this soft, horticulturally-inclined corner of the Cotswolds, with plenty to do indoors, is one well spent.
Book it: Rates from £430 per night including breakfast. thyme.co.uk
Glenmorangie House, Scotland
For taking things outside, come rain or shine
Of all the gorgeous details comprising Glenmorangie’s Russell Sage-designed gardens, the teepee and pergola with a sea view are by far the smartest. For shaded spots from the sun, but mostly for Scotland’s capricious weather. There’s no raining on your north-of-the-border parade here, with mixology whisky classes taken in the big tepee, and a covered outdoor space with a bar and table tennis spot. So guests can play on, without checking the forecast and make the most of any patches of sunshine by scuttling out of the gloriously bonkers plush pink house to peruse the pretty gardens.
Then when it rains again, hop into the car and visit Glenmorangie’s fabled whisky distillery a mere 15-minute drive away, it’s public spaces also recently spruced up by Russell Sage.
Book it: Rates from £310 per night inclusive of dinner and breakfast. glenmorangie.com
Culloden Estate & Spa, Belfast
For a spa with views and rambling corridors to explore
Northern Ireland knows a thing or two about rain, and its grand houses were designed, both architecturally and rhythmically, for soggy afternoons. Culloden Estate & Spa is a fine example, with its great heft of a spa engulfing guests for hours on end — its sauna overlooking Belfast Lough and its large, indoor pool flooded with light. Originally built as the official palace for the Bishops of Down in the 18th century, the imposing building feels at ease with overcast skies. The sheer size of the hotel keeps cabin fever at bay, with crispy bed linen dressing the decadent rooms’ ‘Cloud Beds’, and any afternoon snoozes waking up to the landscaped gardens in their rainy splendour that roll on to meet a somber Belfast Lough.
Book it: Doubles from £270 per night. cullodenestateandspa.com
Lime Wood, New Forest
For its covered courtyard and outdoor-in spa
Lime Wood in autumn is pure poetry, from its sun-dappled gardens that meet ancient woodland to its indulgent late afternoon baths with unrelenting birdsong ricocheting across its courtyards. Though when the dark skies throw themselves over the New Forest like a velvet cloak, the country house hotel is in its element, enticing guests into its Herb House Spa’s maze of thermal rooms, saunas and pools, with treatments such as Sarah Chapman’s collagen facials and newly launched Ayurvedic massages.
Any spots of sunshine will lead to a mad dash to the outdoor pool, though this is very much a bonus, not a dealbreaker for this whatever-the-weather hotel. Then there’s the courtyard bar — an illusory outdoor space scattered in plant pots with a glass roof keeping the Tuscan dream alive (much like the Italian menu of its restaurant Hartnett Holder & Co).
Book it: Doubles from £495. limewoodhotel.co.uk
Coworth Park, Ascot
For indoor riding and polo, rounded off with a spa treatment
Manicured from its head to its toe, Coworth Park embodies its Berkshire setting, particularly on the equestrian front. Even horsey novices can hop into the saddle here for lessons in the hotel’s state-of-the-art equestrian centre, and experts can canter through wildflower meadows or refine their dressage techniques.
On rainy days, riding and polo lessons continue in the indoor arena, with instructors offering up expert pointers. Children adore the two-hour stable session, learning how to groom, care for and tack up their own little pony, before jumping into the saddle for a fun riding lesson. With hats and jodhpurs peeled off, a rainy day at Coworth is best spent in the spa, lathered in natural ishga or Valmont lotions and potions, or wallowing in the hotel’s heated swimming pool, taking in its underwater sound system and amethyst crystal floor.
Book it: Doubles from £520. dorchestercollection.com
