Feeling unsure about your child going to a sleepover is completely normal. You might be worried about how well you know the host family, how they manage supervision or screen time, and even safety.
Sleepovers can carry risk through inadequate supervision or exposure to unsafe behaviours such as bullying, coercion, sexually inappropriate behaviour, or abuse from other children or adults.
These risks are heightened when there’s a lack of clear rules and oversight.
But in safe environments, sleepovers can also provide opportunities for children to build independence and strengthen friendships.
We research child safety. Here are a few strategies help to reduce risk and make the sleepover more successful.
Get to know the host family
Don’t be afraid to suggest a daytime playdate first.
This will give you a chance to chat to the family, get a sense of their household routines and parenting, and observe how comfortable your child seems with them.
An “everything but the sleep” sleepover can be a great starting point. This allows your child to enjoy the excitement of dinner, games and bonding time without the added stress of staying overnight.
Setting a prearranged pickup time can help anxious children (or parents) feel more comfortable.
Talk to the host family
When discussing the sleepover with the host family, it’s helpful to share that you have an open and honest communication style with your child.
This not only reassures the other parents that you’re engaged in your child’s safety but also subtly signals that you’ll follow up after the sleepover to ask how it went. For example you could mention:
- how you talk to your child about respecting boundaries, including personal space during activities like going to the toilet or showering
- your rules or expectations around use of devices and the internet
- your ideas around appropriate bedtime attire for children (and for the adults who might be called on during the night)
- that you plan to remind your child of these boundaries before the sleepover
- that you’ll check in with your child afterwards to hear about their experience.
It’s OK to ask the host family about their approach to supervision and safety. You might ask:
- who will be at home and who is supervising the kids? What adults will be present?
- will there be other siblings or adolescents present?
- what are the planned activities?
- where will the children be sleeping?
- how will they be supervised?
- what is their approach to internet use and devices?
These questions don’t need to feel intrusive. Framing them as part of ensuring everyone has a great experience helps keep the conversation positive and collaborative.
Talk to your child about safety
Before the sleepover, reinforce with your child the importance of personal boundaries and respect for others.
After the sleepover, follow through with open-ended conversations. Ask your child how they felt, what they enjoyed, and if there was anything they didn’t like.
These casual but intentional conversations strengthen your child’s confidence in speaking up and help you stay attuned to their experiences.
Children should understand:
- their body belongs to them and they have the right to say “no”
- privacy rules around private parts, bathrooms, appropriate sleeping attire, and other private spaces
- how to handle conflict with their friends, such as disagreements over sharing toys or activities
- how to stay safe online (including while gaming), such as not sharing personal details, not talking with strangers, and what content is appropriate.
Let them know they should feel comfortable speaking up if something doesn’t feel right or if they are unsure. Come up with ways together to say no excuse themselves if a situation makes them uncomfortable.
Create an exit strategy
Having a backup plan is essential, especially for younger children or first-time sleepovers.
Let your child know it’s OK to leave early if they’re feeling homesick or uncomfortable.
Remind them they can contact you at any time for any reason, no matter how small it seems. Discuss this with the host parents in advance to ensure they understand your approach.
Ensure your child has a way to contact you. If they don’t have their own device, coordinate with the host parents ways for your child to use their phone or landline.
Another option is to set up pre-arranged check-ins, where the host parents help your child call or text you at an agreed time.
You can also choose a code word with your child – if they say it during your chat, it means you’ll come and collect them.
Reassuring them they have an “out” can give children the confidence to fully enjoy the experience.
Assess your child’s readiness
Not every child is ready for a sleepover at the same age. Consider their emotional maturity and comfort level. Ask them directly how they are feeling – excited and eager or hesitant and nervous?
Can they manage basic self care tasks? Have they successfully spent time away from home before, such as with a relative or close friend?
If your child is hesitant, starting with shorter visits or sleepovers at your own home might be better until they feel more comfortable.
Sleepovers can be a fun part of childhood, and can foster independence, friendship, and resilience.
It’s worth taking the time to prepare. It’s OK to start small, ask questions and trust your instincts.
Daryl Higgins receives funding from the Australian Research Council, the National Health and Medical Research Council and a range of government departments, agencies, and service providers, including Bravehearts. He was a Chief Investigator on the Australian Child Maltreatment Study.
Gabrielle works with the Australian Child Maltreatment Study (ACMS) team as part of her PhD Candidature. She has also previously worked for Bravehearts in various roles, including for the Turning Corners program, which provides support to young people who have displayed harmful sexual behaviours.
This article was originally published on The Conversation. Read the original article.
