Warning: this article contains spoilers for BBC Three’s show Normal People.
There’s a scene in episode 10 of the new BBC series Normal People, the pitch-perfect adaptation of Sally Rooney’s novel of the same name, that should be compulsory viewing.
Connell, the male lead (beautifully portrayed by Irish actor Paul Mescal in his first television role), learns that his friend, Rob, from high school has taken his own life. The episode begins with his college friend, Niall, suggesting Connell visit a free counselling service. It’s March, two months after the fact, and the episode flicks between the present and the days and weeks following Rob’s death.
Connell spirals into a deep depression, his prior anxiety exacerbated by the loss. He pulls away from his girlfriend, Helen, leading to their breakup, and the only person he truly feels he can speak to is Marianne (the female lead played by the brilliant Daisy Edgar-Jones), who is currently on her erasmus year in Sweden.
The scene in question comes towards the end of the episode, Connell is speaking to his councillor and starts to unload about the troubles and burdens he’s been harbouring throughout the series - a spectacular feat in itself for this nuanced character who finds it hard to say what he means.
In the one-shot, six-minute scene, Connell perfectly articulates the loneliness that can come with moving to a new place, and how he can’t connect his new life in Dublin to his life back home.
“In school I definitely felt that feeling of isolation or whatever," he says. "People seemed to like me. Here, I don’t think that people like me that much. Like Rob, my friend who … I wouldn’t say that we clicked on a very deep level or anything but we were friends. I wouldn’t say that we had a lot in common in terms of interests, or anything and definitely not politically but we never really examined that. But that stuff didn’t really matter in school, because we were in the same group of friends, so, you know. And he did some stuff that I wouldn’t have been a fan of in terms of, like, with girls, but we were 18, you know, we acted like idiots. I think I felt a bit alienated by that stuff.
“And, I think I thought if I moved here I'd fit in better. I thought I’d be with more like-minded people but that just hasn’t … I left Carricklea thinking I could have a different life. But, I hate it here and I can never go back because those friendships are gone and Rob is gone and I can’t see him again. I can’t get that life back.”
The honest monologue coupled with the guttural cries that accompany it make for a rare on-screen sight. Men are more likely to suffer in silence when it comes to mental health issues, so it’s scenes like this which help to normalise speaking about it with others.
In Ireland, where Normal People is set, men account for close to 80 per cent of all suicides in the country and it has the fourth highest suicide rate for males aged 15 to 24 in Europe. In the UK, men are three times more likely to die by suicide compared to women - with men aged 45 to 49 being the hardest affected age group.
“That scene really hit a chord with me,” Henry*, 27, tells the Standard. “After leaving uni, I’ve found it hard to keep in touch with my school friends and my uni friends as living in different cities has meant we’ve drifted apart. It does affect me, but watching that scene made me realise it’s more common than I think.”
Mental health is a common theme throughout each of the twelve Normal People episodes, from Marianne’s incessant bullying at school, to how she’s been affected by her abusive brother and negligent mum, and the imposter syndrome Connell feels when he moves to Dublin. The series handles it with care, portraying the ups and downs that come with each distinctive struggle.
Jo Loughran, Director of Time to Change, the mental health anti-stigma campaign run by Mind and Rethink Mental Illness, says: “On screen portrayals can drastically shift how we think, feel and behave in relation to mental health. When done well, storylines about mental health can help to reduce stigma, prompt vital conversations and empower people to seek support.
“We know that too often men hold back from talking about mental health because they worry what others might think, or they fear they’ll be a burden to those around them. Our latest research shows that, when asked, three quarters of men said they wouldn’t feel able to openly say that they have a mental health problem to friends - with the majority preferring to give another reason. Public awareness and understanding of mental health is key to changing attitudes and behaviours."
It’s unique to see a character on screen like Connell, and it’s also important. Important for men, especially young men, to know it's okay to feel lonely, to show how vital it is to speak openly about mental health with their friends, and to know that it’s okay to struggle with mental health issues. In fact, it’s really quite normal.
*Names have been changed.
If you or anyone else you know is suffering with mental health issues, visit nhs.uk/mental-health-helplines to find a number of different helplines you can call.
